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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23762029">Lucky to Have You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/anibabe/pseuds/anibabe'>anibabe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!, haikyuu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Humor, Attempt at Humor, Bokuaka - Freeform, Boyfriends, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Boys' Love, Brothers, Domestic Boyfriends, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Is Gay, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gay, Humor, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, MSBY, MSBY Black Jackals - Freeform, NSFW, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Pro Volleyball Player Miya Atsumu, Sexual Humor, Shounen-ai, Slow Burn, Some Humor, Tryouts, Twins, Volleyball, Yaoi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:41:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>37,674</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23762029</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/anibabe/pseuds/anibabe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Miya Atsumu has never been alone. Sharing everything since birth with his twin brother, Osamu, has granted Atsumu a permanent security blanket. Now that the twins have graduated high school and Osamu has quit volleyball, Atsumu has lost his partner. As he continues his volleyball journey, how will Atsumu cope? Will he find someone to become that partner for him, both on and off the court?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>100</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>359</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. PROLOUGE: Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! Thank you very much for your interest in “Lucky to Have You”! This is my first fanfic/AU, so an additional thank you for bearing with me! I will be updating this story regularly, although I have not pinned down the exact schedule yet. Most chapters will be SFW, although there will be some with explicit material. I will make sure those are labeled properly! I fell in love with the potential dynamic between Atsumu and the MSBY BJs that I couldn’t help myself when it came to the idea for this fic! Anyway, I would absolutely love to hear any comments, and feel free to follow me on Twitter: @kageyomama / @sakusalovesyou. Again, THANK YOU AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I have never been alone. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Not really, anyway. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>From even the womb, there was always someone else there. Whether I liked it or not. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe that’s why loneliness terrifies me. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I always pushed it down, ignored the part of me that felt like it was caving in on itself. Passed it off as nothing more than jitters. Everyone gets jitters, right? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I can’t remember when <em>it</em> actually started. Maybe <em>it</em> was when he told me he was quitting. Maybe <em>it</em> was before? Maybe after high school? When did <em>it</em> start? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I guess that’s not important. It would come whenever it pleased, in the middle of the night, right before a test, walking around, it didn’t matter. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>It</em> was an instant pang in the chest, followed by a shortness of breath. A sensation of a thousand knives in my gut. Tears would flood my eyes, but I wasn’t sad. I was never sad. </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>It</em> was pain. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I guess that’s the best way to describe <em>it</em>. I would fall into physical, inexplicable, unbearable, pain. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Eventually, the pain would subside, but the effects lingered. I would sit for hours, doing nothing but thinking. Head spinning in constant circles. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>What happens when this is all over? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Will I be alone for good? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Can I survive alone? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>What if I can’t? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sumu, what are you doing?” My twin brother pokes his head into the bathroom, where admittedly I have probably been too long “Are you sick?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, I’m fine, just got distracted.” I lie through my teeth. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure. I’m going to go help mom make dinner, any requests?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hmm, well, if you are making it, it will probably taste like shit.” I sneer. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Great, then starve, asshole.” He chuckles while closing the door on his way out. </p>
<p> </p>
<p> I could never tell him. What would I even say? ‘Oh yeah, Samu, sometimes, some things happen, the things hurt, I cry, I don’t like it.’ What the hell would he be able to do about it? </p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Nothing</em>. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Absolutely <em>nothing</em>. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I take a deep breath and get up. Enough wallowing for one night. I need to practice, I have tryouts soon. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Although I can’t explain it, <em>it</em> has never happened when I’m playing volleyball. Never. Not once. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maybe that’s why I can’t let volleyball go? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Samu stopped after we graduated, I knew before it happened but even now, it doesn’t feel real. I never appreciated our lasts. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Our last practice, last game, last serve, last celebration. The list goes on and on. I never thought I would have to worry about lasts with him. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I grab my ball and head outside, passing my mom and brother in the kitchen. Osamu smiling while washing out rice.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>I smiled to myself. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He does always seem content in the kitchen, even washing rice seems to make him happy. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I will still be happier though. I have to be. We made a bet, and I won’t lose, I will not lose...right? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>I don’t have time to think about that right now. I practice until dinner is ready. I wash up and enjoy a meal with my family.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After dinner, I decide to call it an early night. I shower and get ready for bed. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re going to sleep?” Samu glares at me. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What? I can’t sleep now? I should just stare at the ceiling until eventually my body gives in from exhaustion and I just drop dead? Is that what you want from me?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sounds like an interesting proposal.” Samu says through a smile “Idiot, I just meant that it’s a little early, dontcha think?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Mhmm, yeah, maybe, but tryouts are soon, I gotta rest while I’ve got the chance. You figured out what you’re doing with your life yet?” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Whoa, whoa, damn, maybe you <em>do</em> need some sleep. You’re extra sensitive today. Don’t worry ‘bout me. When all is said and all is done, I’ll be happier, you can bet on it.” He winks. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Gross. I really hope I don’t look that ugly. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Sure, whateva ya say, buddy boy. We’ll see about that. Night, Samu.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah, sweet dreams!” Samu chuckles walking away. </p>
<p> </p><h6>END OF CH. 1 </h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. PROLOGUE: Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>*alarm rings* </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*alarm continues to ring* </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*alarm continues to continue to ring* </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“SUMU!” Osamu yells at me throwing a pillow, “Shut that shit off!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I moan and roll over to shut off the alarm. I wind up staring at my phone until my eyes burn. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Today’s the day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>MSBY Black Jackals tryouts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I am not nervous whether I am going to make the team, I know I am good enough. I am worried </span>
  <em>
    <span>about </span>
  </em>
  <span>the team. I have never been on a team without my brother. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What if I hate them? What if they hate me? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh well, I can’t deal with that right now. I take a deep breath, roll out of bed, and start getting ready. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I walk over to the kitchen, “What are you doing up?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Some asshole left his alarm on to wake up the entire neighborhood, and I couldn’t go back to sleep.” Samu says rolling his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I swear I didn’t hear it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Impossible. Here.” Osamu hands me a tray with a full breakfast, complete with my favorite orange juice and green tea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is this poisoned?” I ask, only half joking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guess you’ll have to taste it to find out.” Samu sneers behind a smile. “You nervous?” His smile has slightly faded. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please.” I snap back, sitting down at the table. “They are lucky to have me, I’ll bring the best out of whatever hitters they’ve got.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure,” I sense his tone, “but that isn’t exactly what I asked you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I glare up. I could sense his genuineness, but I’m not falling down this rabbit hole now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What is this? Are you worried for me? Lil ol’ me? First, you make me a breakfast of champions, and now checking on my mental health? Is this love? It’s awfully narcissistic to fall in love with your identical twin, Samu.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright then, spoiler alert, if you start to feel queasy, I would find a bathroom. I hear Ex-Lax doesn’t give you much of a warning.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yer nasty!” I yell, laughing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whether intentional or otherwise, Osamu did lighten the mood. I smile while scarfing down the food. I finish collecting everything I need, and after the 100th check from my mother, I turn to head out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi.” Osamu barks behind me. I turn to see him leaning on the old doorframe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t get in too many fights, yer hear? If you fail now, our bet will be too easy for me to win.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He always has been a sarcastic shit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I make no promises, if they suck I’ll tell ‘em.” I chuckle through my breath, tying my laces. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure they’ll love that,” he snaps back, almost immediately “oh, and Sumu?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They </span>
  <em>
    <span>are </span>
  </em>
  <span>lucky to have you.” Osamu says, turning around, leaving me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Leaving me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I slap my thighs, take a breath, grab my stuff and head out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe, just </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I will be lucky to have </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<h6>
  <em>
    <span>**END OF PROLOGUE** </span>
  </em>
</h6><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Tryouts, Part 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thank you very much for the support thus far, I am so grateful! I truly hope everyone is staying safe, especially throughout these hectic times. </p><p>This is a the official beginning to our story....please enjoy! Xoxo.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Tryouts, Part 1 </b>
  </span>
</h2><p>
  <em> *3 years later*  </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em>Well, here goes nothing</em>.</p><p> </p><p>I open the door to the massive gym, where the MSBY Black Jackals tryouts are held. I immediately catch a glimpse of the coaches, who are sitting at a table signing people in. <br/><br/></p><p>There are small groups of players who appear to know each other all over the gym. Although I have played with the team going on three years, we are still required to tryout every year. </p><p> </p><p>Tryouts are always a tough time for me. I remember a couple of years ago being so full of optimism that I’ll find someone to be my partner, to replace my brother. </p><p> </p><p>I can’t say I’ve had it bad, my coaches are great, and most of the team is kind and supportive as hell. I guess I just wanted something mo—</p><p> </p><p>“ATSUMU!” I hear the hell from the other side of the gym.</p><p> </p><p>A shiver runs down my spine. I don’t even need to look up. I sigh. </p><p> </p><p>“Bokuto-san, I see you are as lively as ever.” I grunt as he makes his way in front of me. </p><p> </p><p>Bokuto Kotaro. </p><p> </p><p>A killer ace. He won nationals his third year of high school. People are attracted to his positive energy and charisma like a magnet. </p><p> </p><p>He truly is annoying as all hell. </p><p> </p><p>But— I can’t help but like him. </p><p> </p><p>Or maybe I am just drawn to him? He has so much that I want. </p><p> </p><p>Confidence. </p><p> </p><p>Independence.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, duh!” I get interrupted, mid-thought once again, “We get some fresh meat today, Miya! There is so much to be excited about! Maybe we will even know some of the new players!?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, maybe.” </p><p> </p><p>Bokuto starts giggling like a schoolgirl. </p><p> </p><p>“Uhh.. do ya know something I don’t, Bokoto-san?” I ask suspiciously. </p><p> </p><p>“I have no idea what you’re talking about..” he sneers while making a face, “I forget, you’re pretty funny, Miya!” Bokuto yells while hitting my back. </p><p> </p><p>I laugh under my breath. </p><p> </p><p>I thought for a while that maybe Bokuto would become my partner, but to be blunt we are too similar. We crave the attention for ourselves, it would never work. I’ve coasted by these last few years, waiting. </p><p> </p><p><em> It </em>has not gotten any easier. </p><p> </p><p>But, I have learned to anticipate when <em> it </em>comes. Mostly, when I think too much about the future or the past. So, I’ve learned if I start to fall into that trap, to distance myself. </p><p> </p><p>The attacks don’t normally last too long. </p><p> </p><p>I’ve gotten good at hiding it too. </p><p> </p><p>It’s easy to hide behind a smile. </p><p> </p><p>“BOKUTO-SAN, I AM HERE!!!!!” I hear a high-pitched sing-songy voice yell. </p><p> </p><p>Huh?</p><p> </p><p>I don’t recognize the voice, and new players are <em> always </em>intimidated by Bokuto (until they get a chance to know him). </p><p> </p><p>Bokuto bursts out into laughter, while I try to discern where the voice came from. </p><p> </p><p>“So you’ve finally made it, huh, my favorite pupil?” Bokuto boasts. </p><p> </p><p>My eyes zip in the direction that Bokuto is speaking. </p><p> </p><p>No fucking way. </p><p> </p><p>Hinata Shoyo!? </p><p> </p><p>“Hinata!?” I blurted out before my brain could stop my mouth.</p><p> </p><p>“Miya-san!! Good to see you!!!!” He shares the same bright, bubbly personality as Bokuto, it is truly infectious. </p><p> </p><p><em> Okay, time to put on a show, </em> I tell myself. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, of course it’s good to see me; it’s me! Last I heard, you were on the other side of the planet!” I laughed. </p><p> </p><p>It’s nice to see a different, yet familiar face around here. I feel the mood lighten as Hinata and I meet with Bokuto. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, yeah, I was! But now, I’m here, I made certain promises that I have to keep, and I can’t keep them from Brazil.” </p><p> </p><p>“Mhmm, sounds fair enough.” I smile. </p><p> </p><p>Our idle chit chat continued until we were interrupted by Coach Foster. He asked us to line up and gave the same ol speech that he gave every year. “Thank you for yer interest”, “it’s an honor to have such talented”,”this year we intend to go far”. </p><p> </p><p>Same bullshit, different year. </p><p> </p><p>I glance over at Hinata who looks as if he is about to burst from containing his excitement. I try to contain my laughter, but I can’t help but form a small smile. </p><p> </p><p>I must admit I am a little jealous of his optimism and energy. I remember when I used to get that excited. </p><p> </p><p><em> Stop </em>.</p><p> </p><p>I can’t think about those times, or <em> it </em>might make an appearance. </p><p> </p><p>Distracted by Hinata’s contagious attitude, I miss Coach’s signature cheesy-ass sign off “Do your best, and don’t forget to go Jackal wild!” —not a huge tragedy that I missed it.</p><p> </p><p>I’m brought back to reality by Coach clapping his hands and ordering us to prepare for serving drills. </p><p> </p><p>As people scuffle around the court, I catch sight of him. </p><p> </p><p>It was just for a moment. </p><p> </p><p>Just a <em> moment </em>. </p><p> </p><p>But I would remember those black curls and enigmatic face anywhere. </p><p> </p><h6>
  <em> **End of Chapter 1**  </em>
</h6><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Tryouts, Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for your continued support!!!! I am very excited that over 200 people have even bothered to open the story up :). I’m sorry for the delay in this chapter, I will try my absolute best to become better at regulating the schedule!! </p><p>Thank you and I hope you enjoy!!!!! &lt;3</p><p>Next Chapter: April 25 </p><p>**please note, this chapter uses strong language.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Tryouts, Part 2</b>
  </span>
</h2><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa Kiyoomi. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even from his second year of high school, he stole the show. We trained together throughout the All-Japan camps. An absolute monster ace. I feel butterflies in my stomach flutter when I think of the possibility of him becoming my ace. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was never a man of many words. He didn’t need to be, his playing spoke volumes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just like Samu. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel my thoughts diverging to a dark and reminiscent path. If I don’t stop myself now I’ll snowball and </span>
  <em>
    <span>it</span>
  </em>
  <span> might make an appearance. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t risk that, not with volleyball. I’ll just need to ignore him. No problem, he never seemed too interested in chit chat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s 8:27 AM.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Okay, then. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Four hours. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s what I tell myself, just keep it together for four hours. Veteran tryouts end at lunch time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once tryouts are done, I can go home. I live alone now. You’d think it would cause </span>
  <em>
    <span>it</span>
  </em>
  <span> to show up more often, but I actually find it calming to know I have a space where no one will catch me if I lose it (for just a bit). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go!” Meian yells. He always lowers his voice to sound ‘scarier’ during tryouts, it’s honestly hilarious. I chuckle to myself and jog over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Four hours.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can do this. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I set my mental timer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tryouts pass quickly, between Coach and Captain Meian, we were kept busy. As we finish our last drills before lunch, I even managed to sneak in a joke or too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I start thinking about what the team is going to look like this year. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata’s amazing. I mean, he was an absolute monster in high school, but it seems that his time on the beach only fueled his fire. Every time he would hit a ball I set for him he would run over to me, both hands swaying above his head, face screaming at me until I would give in and slap my hands with his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t help but enjoy myself, </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Plus, the truth is...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I would absolutely </span>
  <em>
    <span>love </span>
  </em>
  <span>to see Kageyama Tobio’s face when he sees that I’ve tamed his secret wild weapon...best of yet, with ease. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I am more than enjoying myself…I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>excited</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Coach claps his hands and clears his throat. “Okay, men, I’m sorry we are having a bit of a later lunch. I saw a lot of impressive talent out there and got carried away. As you know we will continue rookie tryouts following lunch with a focus on individual showcases...” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Huh? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Late lunch? What is he saying? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I look at the clock. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>13:16 PM (1:16 PM). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All of a sudden the mental timer I had set hours ago felt like it was exploding in my head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel my heart tie into a knot. Simultaneously pushing and pulling in every direction </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I was fine?! </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perfectly, fine!</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What</span>
  <em>
    <span> the fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span> happened!?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I feel the frustration bubbling within me. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep a straight face, as I pretend to listen to Coach’s pre-lunch fucking monologue. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Since when does he talk this long anyway? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I hear coach clap his hands together, signaling the end of his speech. I instantly become aware and hustle to the locker room. I won’t have time to make it home—but if I can lock myself in a stall while everyone is eating lunch, I should have enough time to calm myself down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As I make my way to the locker room, I feel myself start to gasp for air. The jaw that I was clenching with everything that I had loosened as I took a deep breath, in a desperate attempt to fill my lungs with air. I was suddenly so aware of my fists, digging my nearly non-existent nails into the palms of my hand, inflicting what physical pain I could to distract my body from letting my eyes fill with tears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I told you I got good at hiding it</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I finally make my way to the locker room. The second the door closes, I feel every muscle give in. I allow the breath I had been holding inside of me to seep out. I close my eyes and lean my head against the wall, for just a moment. Once I get a hold of my breathing I’ll find a private place to really calm down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Luckily, I’m able to regulate my breathing quickly (</span>
  <em>
    <span>thanks, sports</span>
  </em>
  <span>). First step to calming down is to take control of my body. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> I hit my thighs with my fists, signaling my body to move. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I roll my head from the wall, to face the ceiling. I will count to three, open my eyes, and then move. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>One</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Okay, I think the worst has passed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Two</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It could have been a lot worse, actually. Dare I say, I was even luc—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Three</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I open my eyes to sweat-drenched black curls and a furrowed brow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa fucking Kiyoomi. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 2**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Smiles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I wrote this chapter 4 different ways, it was definitely a lot of fun. I cannot wait for the rest of this story, I hope y’all will enjoy it!!! Thank you again for any and all support !! &lt;3</p><p>Next Chapter: April 26th :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 3</b>
  </span>
</h2><p>
  <span>“I —uh, uh, um, have a bad headache and uhh—“ I’m lying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He knows I’m lying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We both know I’m lying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Please just go along with it.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I silently plead in my head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, that’s pretty gross.” Sakusa barks at me, facial expression unchanged. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh—?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your head...on the lockers? That’s disgusting, who knows when the last time they’ve been cleaned. Plus, everyone comes in here with their germs and just wipes their hands all over them. You should probably go wash your face.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Huh?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’m confused, but decide not to question it. Maybe he didn’t see anything? He could’ve walked out just as my head was on the wall. Maybe I got lucky? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh—yeah, you’re right.” I lightly chuckle, “The steel just felt nice and cool, but I’ll go wash my face now. Thanks” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I flash my signature smile, with my eyes closed and nose bunched up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Too obvious</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He’ll know it’s fake.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm.” Sakusa mutterr, loud enough for me to hear. He walks over to one of the lockers, and pulls his jacket sleeve over his hand, to enter the combination. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s cute. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He opens up the locker and rummages through it for a couple seconds before pulling out a bottle and handing it to me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’ll need this.” He says, brows still furrowed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I reach out to grab the bottle, it’s face soap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Of course he travels with face soap.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You take this everywhere?” I ask, half teasing, and half genuinely curious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s a good thing I do, or you would be using the wrong soap and cause your face to break out. So actually, you’re welcome.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh no, we can’t have that, it’s my money maker.” I retort “but thank you, now I will have a clean AND clear face.” I chuckle with a wink. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Still too forced. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If your face is your money maker, you must be a poor man.” Sakusa snaps back, almost immediately. I can’t help but laugh out loud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s only then that I take a second to examine the state I’m in. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It</span>
  </em>
  <span> has completely stopped. Maybe Sakusa literally scared the shit out of me. I chuckle at the thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll have you know, I do just fine actually.” I remark snarky.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Better</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“uhh, when I’m done, should I leave the bottle in front of your locker?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Definitely not. Keep it. It looks like you need it more than I do.” Sakusa stares, his face still hasn’t softened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ouch, thank one hurt, Sakusa-san. Offensive comments aside, thank you.” I lift the face soap up to show him that I’m going to go use it. I turn to walk towards the sinks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Good. I’m doing good now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know—“ Sakusa stops me, “Some people think of a happy place. Like the beach or a favorite restaurant, somewhere that is associated with positive feelings, it helps.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I look back, his face softened. I feel my heart gently skip a beat as I take in the information. He softened his brows, his hair has dried slightly and some loose curls have fallen to the right side of his face (they normally fall on the left). If I stare hard enough, I feel like I could even make out a small, soft, smile, but I could also be imagining it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So he did see. He ignored it, but he definitely saw. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As all the information processes, I feel the blood rushing to me checks. Painting a billboard of embarrassment for Sakusa to see, clear as day. This moment feels like it has lasted a lifetime. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to go eat, I have to rest before the second half of tryouts. I will see you later, Miya-san.” Sakusa says with a wave, as he turns to walk out of the locker room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Atsumu—“ I blurt out, before my body could stop my big fat mouth, again. “Uhh, call me Atsumu, and yeah, I’m sure I’ll see ya’ at practice.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa smiles softly. No need to focus to see this one. It’s a soft smile, but undoubtedly there.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I turn around and bolt towards the sinks before Sakusa has a chance to respond. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I get to the sink, turn the water on and place my hands on either side. I feel my heart rate skyrocketing, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> in a bad way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In a </span>
  <em>
    <span>different</span>
  </em>
  <span> way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In a </span>
  <em>
    <span>very different</span>
  </em>
  <span> way.</span>
</p><p> </p><h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 3**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. ‘Atsumu.’</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Helloooo!! I hope everyone has continued to stay safe throughout the constant craziness. Thank you SO much for your support thus fall, I can’t believe this story has over 450 visits. Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart!! Not to get sappy or anything, but it’s been a very long time since I’ve written anything for fun and it has truly been a blast so far. So THANK U AGAIN!! I got to play around with soft boi atsumu this chapter so it was a particularly fun one. I hope you enjoy!! &lt;3 </p><p>Next Chapter: April 29<br/>**please note the original next chapter was April 28, but unfortunately I had a family emergency so I will push it to tomorrow. I’m so sorry, I hope you think it’s worth the wait!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 4</b>
  </span>
</h2><p> </p><p>
  <span>I stare at the bottle of face soap Sakusa gave me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>All Natural - Perfect for Sensitive Skin - Fragrance Free! </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t help but chuckle lowly, how can a bottle of facial cleanser somehow perfectly represent someone? I find myself imagining other people as face soap. If Sakusa is this soap, then Hinata would be some citrus scented exfoliant, and Bokuto as some chaotic 3-in-1 shampoo/body/face wash disaster. I quite literally made myself laugh out loud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmmm.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I think for a moment what I would look like if someone walked in on me. Staring at a bottle of cleanser, wasting water and laughing at nothing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Geez, they would probably call the police. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I chuckle again, lower this time, and continue to actually use the face wash. The feel of the warm water and light ambiguous scent of the “non-scented” flood my senses for just a moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s nice. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As I finish up, I realize that my towel and change of clothes are still outside in the gym. I never brought them into the locker room in the morning. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh well, it’s no big deal, it’ll just look like sweat.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I try to figure out a way to hold the bottle of face wash in a way that no one will see it if I’m walking out. I just rather not hear anyone’s shit right now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Nothing seems to work, so I decide on the ‘ol ‘shove it in my pants and hope it doesn’t fall out’ bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I look at myself in the mirror and take one last deep breath before going out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>All things considered, today could have turned out much worse. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I smile to myself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I am tired though, exhausted, actually. I’ll probably take a nap or somethin’ when I get home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I walk back out towards the lockers, pushing my left arm a little tighter against the side of my body to hold the face wash in place. As I pass the section of lockers that Sakusa had his stuff in, I notice, on the bench in the middle, there is a small pile that wasn’t there before. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My curiosity got the better of me and I walked over to look at it. There was an electrolyte drink and a towel, with a small note on top. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Atsumu</span>
  </em>
  <span>.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sakusa? Did he do this? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Who else? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I smile softly and pick up the towel. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My smile widens when I see that there were strategically placed paper towels under where the towel was placed. I’m assuming, so the towel didn’t touch the dirty bench. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Definitely, Sakusa. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I dry off my face, take out the face wash from my underwear and wrap it in the towel to hold in my hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This will be easier. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I smile to myself, feeling the blood rush to my checks again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I reach to take a sip of the drink. It’s sour, lemon, not typically my favorite, but I like it nevertheless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All of a sudden I hear the locker room door swing open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tsum-tsum!!!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Only one person in this world is brave enough to call me that. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh here you are!! Kiyoomi said he saw you walk in here” Bokuto pokes his head in my direction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kiyoomi?</span>
  </em>
  <span> He’s mighty familiar.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Saw me walk in?’ So he didn’t say anything.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And alas here I am.” I shuffle and reposition my towel to make sure the note and cleanser are out of view. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, let’s go! We gotta hurry up and eat so we can see the rookies individual tryouts!” Bokuto says, his voice echoing throughout the locker room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhh, I was actually planning to head home and take a nap.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You can nap when you sleep, come on! This is our time to see how much Kiyoomi and Hinata have improved! Come onnnnnnn tsum-tsum, I gotta see how much my student has improved!!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmm, </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>it is </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span><span class="u">my</span> job as the setter to know exactly what my attackers need </span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span> the <span class="u">best</span> way to do that is by analyzing their play. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I unnecessarily attempt to convince myself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And why do </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> need to stay?” I snap back, at this point to mess with him more than anything. It’s a rare day when Bokuto Kotaro doesn’t ultimately get what he wants. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because it will be boring sitting alone, now hurry up! We gotta get something to eat, I’m STARVING.” Bokuto retorts, completely unaffected. He turns around and starts walking out of the locker room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I sign and smile at the same time, squeeze my towel and drink a little tighter and follow him out. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 4**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Beetles</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!! I hope you enjoy this new chapter :) I am really loving writing these interactions and I truly hope I am doing their personalities justice. Thank you so much for the support this far and I hope you continue to enjoy the story!!!! </p><p>**please note this chapter includes some strong language** </p><p>Next Chapter: May 1st </p><p>(PS I might go crazy and post a chapter tomorrow as well, but just in case I don’t make it, I wanted to make the deadline a little later) </p><p>Anyway, thank you again and enjoy!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 5</b>
  </span>
</h2><p> </p><p>
  <span>Although I did not want to admit it, I’m happy I stayed at the tryouts. Bokuto’s ever-enlightening commentary kept it interesting while I tried to think of how I would use the attackers. Every single player is a monster at this level, but there will always be those who aren’t satisfied. Those players who don’t stop, who always find somewhere higher to reach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata and Sakusa stood out among the rookies. Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’m biased but they stood out to me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I hear Coach give his closing statements and dismiss the players. Hinata immediately sprints over and asks Bokuto to practice spiking and receiving with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I like the way you think! Plus, Tsum-Tsum can set for us!” Bokuto yells, mirroring Hinata’s energy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? I didn’t agree to that.” I snap back, I’m still tired. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s not a ‘no’, though?” Hinata gleams at me. The passion coming from his eyes make it look like he’s about to burst. I sigh, Bokuto’s the same way, it’s nearly impossible to deny them when they give you those eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I guess it’s not a no.” I respond, partly defeated. The other part of me is itching to try a couple of things with Hinata. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Unconsciously, I scan the room for Sakusa. I feel like the least I could do is thank him for not making a big deal about whatever he saw in the locker room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s the least I could do...right? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To my disappointment, he’s not within sight. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hmm, probably a sign that I shouldn’t...or is it a sign that I should? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Please, I wouldn’t even know where to start looking for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I whip my head around for one final scan to no avail. Prepared to give up, my eye catches the sign for the locker room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hmm, maybe? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I decided to test Lady Luck. I’ll only check the locker room, if he’s there then I was meant to thank him, if not, I wasn’t. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey! Miya-san, where are you going!?” I hear Hinata yell. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be right back, hold yer horses!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is the only place I will check.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I zip my way through the gym. As I make my way through I contemplate whether I want him to be there or not. What would I say? Thanks? Doesn’t seem like a good thank you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I get to the locker room door, push it open and search inside. I walk back towards the locker where Sakusa gave me the face soap (which is now safely in my bag), and even back to where the sinks and showers are. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was nowhere. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t help but feel a pang of disappointment. But I made a promise to myself and if I didn’t get back to Bokuto and Hinata soon, they would probably start yelling again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I take a deep breath and decide just to go back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As I push the door to the locker room open, I noticed that there’s a crack in the back door that leads outside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hmm probably an accident. I should probably close it before the bugs find their way inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As I go to grab the handle to shut the door I accidentally push a little too hard and further open the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right outside, Sakusa was there. Hunched down on a yoga mat stretching his wrists. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmmm?” I heard him groan, once he heard the door open. He sits up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit, uh, sorry, I was just trying to close the door so the bugs didn’t get in the gym.” I muttered out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s what the mosquito net is for…” He says, pointing at the net currently hanging in the doorframe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit. How could I miss that? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whoops” I awkwardly chuckle, “Must have missed that.” I continue to awkwardly chuckle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm” I hear him mutter.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh please, Bokuto, Hinata, someone come and save me from this conversation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sooo...umm I was actually looking for you.” I somehow shove the words out of my mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? And why is that?” Sakusa lightly jolts his head to the side, when asking the question. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t look him in the eye. I stare off at the trees behind him and scratch the nape of my neck. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I, umm, wanted to thank—“ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My eyes automatically jolt down to see Sakusa staring at the ground. I trace his eyes to a small beetle that is crawling across the pavement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Uhh…?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa’s eyes are glued to the beetle, following it as it makes its way to the side of the gym and up the wall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I hear him let out a deep exhale. I can’t think of something to say. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good thing it didn’t move closer.” He says, breaking the silence while still staring at the beetle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Huh</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” is all I can manage to say. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His neck snaps to look at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Or you would have had to kill it.” He stares at me, completely, entirely, 100% serious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t hold in the laugh at his tone. You would think he was giving me military orders. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel better after a genuine laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, I was trying to thank—“ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?! Another little beetle?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“First of all, that disgusting creature was the furthest thing from little. Second of all, no. I did nothing worth thanking. I just did want anyone would.” He mutters, hehas retuned to stretching his wrists, it’s truly amazing how they completely tuck under his arm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s not true. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A part of me wanted to fight, but I didn’t. Maybe the least I could do for him is not bring it up again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe he was embarrassed? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel myself getting flustered at the thought. I cover my blush up with a laugh, after all the beetle was no bigger than my pinky. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay well, Bokuto, Hinata, and I are going to practice some spikes, wanna join?” I saw, finally crouching down so I am at eye level with him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?! Really? Do you want my shoulder to crumble and ruin my career?” He snarks. Again, completely serious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, whoa, whoa” I chuckled, lifting both of my hands in front of my chest (to prove my innocence, of course). “We definitely don’t want that, whatever would we do without those golden wrists of yours, hmm? I already have some plans for them.”:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh shit. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I realized the tone sounded almost...flirty? Like </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>really flirty</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh God I hope he doesn’t take it that way.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I immediately feel the blush returning to my face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Please</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> don’t take it that way. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I haven’t even made the team yet, so don’t get ahead of yourself.” He snaps back, completely unphased. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmmm</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>You’d think I’d be relieved that he had no reaction to my comment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But I’m not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Not even a bit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel... </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rejected</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
</p><p> </p><h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 4**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. A Fresh Bowl of Rice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!!! I hope you enjoy the new chapter, I really enjoyed this one!!! Thank you so much for the support thus face, I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. As always, I would love to hear what you think, please comment below!!!!! Again, thank you and enjoy! &lt;3</p><p>**please note this chapter uses strong language </p><p>Next Chapter: May 3rd</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 6</b>
  </span>
</h2><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ever since my conversation with Sakusa earlier, I can’t concentrate. I can’t think straight. After I finished making a fool out of myself, I went to practice with Bokuto and Hinata. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I was, admittedly, a complete mess. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi. Tsum-Tsum, is everything okay? You seem a little out of it just now.” Bokuto asks, once we are alone in the locker room after additional practice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm, yeah I’m fine, just confused a bit.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm? Confused?” He seems sincere, but he would never understand. I need to change the topic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhh yeah, I thought the TANNEDgerine would prefer spiking, but he was happy to receive, so it threw me off.” I smiled reassuringly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh, why’d you say tangerine like that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t get it,Bo? He has orange hair….and he’s really tanned now…he’s a tanned tangerine….or, wait for it, (dramatic pause), a TANNEDgerine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“BAHAHAHAHA!!! THAT'S A GOOD ONE TSUM-TSUM!!!!” I can’t help but laugh in response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto’s annoying as all hell, but he’s a great guy, and always a good person to have around if you need to cheer up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I finally get to leave the tryouts and check the time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hmm, Osamu should be be home at this time. I think I’ll head over to his place. Before I can convince myself otherwise, my body starts moving on it’s own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As I get to Osamu’s house, I find his front door unlocked, again. For such a meticulous guy, he sure is careless about some things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, hello? Is someone there?” I hear him call from the kitchen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hello?” He calls out again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, guess I was imagining it.” I hear him mutter to himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Idiot</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, I probably could’ve taken a bunch of yer stuff and ya wouldn’t even know.” I poke my head in the kitchen, and smile as I see him jump from the shock. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ya could knock, ya know. Even if ya got a key, it’s just polite.” he scowls at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, maybe I would knock if the door was locked, genius.” I snap back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, whoops, Suna swung by to pick something up, I guess I forgot to lock it after.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, sure. How’s Suna anyway?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good. He asked about you too. We should go out soon, Kita mentioned that he’s plannin’ to visit soon, we’ll plan something. You just show up and be nice.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure thing, dad.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good comeback.” Samu snapped back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m too tired to think of anything witty right now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, I was going to ask what brings you here. Something happened?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm, I’m not even sure.” I stare off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll talk about it over dinner, you eaten yet?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why would I eat if I’m on my way to your place?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And you said you were too tired to think of comebacks, come on. Go set the table. I'm almost done cooking, good thing I made extra for your fatass.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I truly am too tired to even respond to his bland ass, but it’s nice spending time with him like this. Samu has always been good at dealing with me. He always knows the right questions to ask, and never holds back from telling me what he really thinks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, how did the tryouts go?” Samu asks, handing me a bowl of freshly made rice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ehh, pretty good, the vets part was routine enough. You’re never going to believe who showed up as rookies though.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oya? Who?” He asks, genuinely interested.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hinata Shoyo from Karasuno and Sakusa Kiyoomi from Itachiyama.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit, those are two absolute monsters. Last I heard the little one went abroad, I guess he came back?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm” I confirm throughout a bite, the foods delicious (as usual), it reminds me of home, “he was in Brazil, playing beach.” Hinata told me about his time while we were playing after. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What a psycho.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You have no idea, he’s even crazier than before. I’m sure he’ll make it, no doubt.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, that’s interesting, I’m sure you’ll have your way with him.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Phrasing, Osamu.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perverted mind, Atsumu.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah you sure do have one.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just a lil bit of food and you’re already snapping back, next time you starve.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I roll my eyes laughing, still chopping down the meal. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I started eating.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, that’s the little one, how about Sakusa? Last I heard about him, he went to college, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, he dominated the college scene, and after graduating I guess it’s only natural to go pro. He’s really amazing too, definitely improved from high school. I’m sure he was scouted by plenty of teams, so I wonder why he decided to tryout for the Jackals.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, probably.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But regardless, those other teams won’t have me on there, I know I can bring out the best in him. We’ll really be a team to watch out this season, just you watch.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? What?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, nothing.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Samu.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s probably nothing, don’t worry it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Osamu, what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Dam, my full given name </span>
  <em>
    <span>must</span>
  </em>
  <span> have struck a nerve, sorry mom. Anyway, I just noticed that your face lit up when talking just then...you got excited. It’s nice to see.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel the blush rushing to my face again. I think I’ve blushed more today alone than I have in years, it’s honestly embarrassing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So...did you practice with him?” Samu asks, cautiously. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, yeah, a bit.” I can’t tell Samu that Sakusa ‘comforted’ me in the locker room when I was worried ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>it’</span>
  </em>
  <span> was going to show up. After all, I still haven’t told Samu about ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>it’.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I think it’s the only secret that I’ve really managed to keep from him, he’s always managed to figure out every other one. You would think that I would be happy about finally keep something from him, but the truth is, when </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘it’</span>
  </em>
  <span> happens, I feel like it’s eating me from the inside out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, I see. And Bokuto-San, and Mehian returned, right?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, they were both there today.” I’m a little shocked that Samu hasn’t mentioned my flushed cheeks, I’m fully aware how red they must be, I can feel it. It’s not like him to let a potential jab pass. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s good to hear, I think this is going to be a great season for you. Really, maybe you’ll even finally start competing with me for our bet.” Samu smirks between his words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh don’t you worry. When all’s said and done, I’ll be happier.” I smirk in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Smell that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh it just smells like bullshit.” Samu bursts out laughing, he’s really proud of that one and everything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh fuck off, Samu. Also, I’m too full to go home, I’m staying here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, I figured. Go wash up before you get sick.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhm, thanks.” I smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, Tsumu?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmm?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure, but whatever happened that you wanted to talk about, itseemed to stop bothering you once you talked about your new potential teammates. One in particular.” Samu flashed a cheeky smile, and I felt the butterflies fluttering again in my stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What is that supposed to mean? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Vague asshole</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I smile softly to myself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’m really glad I decided to come here after practice.  </span>
</p><p> </p><h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 6**</span>
  </em>
</h6><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. It Just Might Be</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!!! Thank you for the continued support, we are nearly at 1k views and I am really happy about it. I really hope everyone is enjoying the story so far!! From this point on, its tends to pick up and take shape a bit. I am nervous about this chapter, it’s one that I had planned since the beginning and I hope I did it justice!!!! Well anyway, thank you again and I hope you enjoy!!! </p><p>**please note this chapter contains some strong language </p><p>Next Chapter: May 7th*</p><p>*the original next chapter date had to get pushed back and I got a little too excited with cinco de mayo celebrations, lol!!! I promise you I’ll make it worth the wait! ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 7</b>
  </span>
</h2><p>
  <span>Some time has passed since I slept over at Samu’s, after the Jackals tryouts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s always nice to stay over and recharge with him around, but it also reminds me what I’ve lost on the court. Even after everything, no one has even come close to what Samu was for me.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Anyway</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hinata and Sakusa both made the team (</span>
  <em>
    <span>shocker</span>
  </em>
  <span>), and we’ve been practicing every day. I’ve gotten used to using both as attackers, and I have to admit it’s been a lot of fun. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘It’</span>
  </em>
  <span> has not made an appearance since that day. Sakusa has never brought it up, but then again, we’ve barely spoken. Our exchanges have been minimized to light banter while we’re playing or convenient small talk. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not the same with Hinata. We’ve gotten pretty close, heading out for dinner after practice (together with Bokuto </span>
  <em>
    <span>of course</span>
  </em>
  <span>) and even spending time together on our days off. My relationship with Bokuto has even improved.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s fucking frustrating. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Don’t get me wrong, getting close with new (and old) teammates is great and all, but I can’t help but feeling dejected every time a conversation with Sakusa goes nowhere. I find myself spending my stretching, cardio, and weight lifting time trying to think of interesting conversation starters that could keep him going, but I always come up blank. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not like Sakusa’s antisocial, I see him talking with other people for what feels like hours...while I get mere seconds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s even worse.</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When I think about it, I feel my chest tighten, and I get cranky. It’s hard to describe. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi. What’s going on with you?” Bokuto’s voice snaps me out of my daydream. The two of us decided to work on weights today, so we’re alone in the lifting room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whadda ya mean?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, something has been bothering you lately. You’re all kinds of spacey. It’s kinda scary.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry to have frightened you, Bokuto-san.” I snap back with a sneer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I wasn’t afraid or anything. After all, I’m not afraid OF anything. I was just thinking that there must be something that’s buggin’ you, and it might feel better if you talk about it. So I was going to offer to listen or something. I’m not sure what good it would do, but if it stops the spaciness I’ll try it!” Bokuto sounds surprisingly mature.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I take a deep sigh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wish I could Bo, but I don’t really know myself. It’s kinda confusin’.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, does it have to do with Kiyoomi?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait, what!? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh!? Why would you say that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I just thought maybe. You always seem so nervous around him,even though ‘round here, you’re his senpai. Plus, he always seems in a rush to end a conversation when you’re around. So I thought something might have happened between you two.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I had </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>no idea</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> Bokuto was so observant</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Happened? Like what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not sure, that’s why I’m asking you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I contemplate telling Bokuto </span>
  <em>
    <span>everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I’m worried about his big mouth, plus, he’s right, I’m not sure what he could say to make me feel better. After all, I’m not sure what feeling better would even look like. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to tell me, if you don’t wanna.” Bokuto’s voice snaps my train of thought again, “I don’t wanna force you or anything. Just wanted to let you know that someone’s here to listen, if you ever wanna talk, I am </span>
  <b>
    <em>your</em>
  </b>
  <span> senpai after all.” He finishes with a wink. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I roll my eyes and sigh again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not that I ‘don’t </span>
  <b>
    <em>wanna</em>
  </b>
  <span> tell ya’ it’s that I, not really sure what to say, but….” I continue to tell Bokuto about the day of tryouts, how something happened (albeit I was sparse with details), and what Sakusa did for me. I even told him what happened when I tried to thank him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I wouldn’t say telling him made me feel particularly better. On the contrary, vocalizing it brought up some anxieties I didn’t even know I had. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, I see.” Bokuto said and I finished the story. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You see? See what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, Tsum-Tsum, what do you think of Kiyoomi? In general, I mean.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do I think of him? Umm...well I think he’s an amazing volleyball player. I think he cares a lot about a lot, both on and off the court. I think a person and player like that are hard to find, and uhh, I think the Black Jackals were lucky that someone like that wanted to try out for the team.” I answered, honestly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, is that all?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s that s‘possed to mean?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, just making sure you’re not holding back.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Holding back? I don’t hold back on anything, you know that.” I snapped.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Really? Then why’d you hold back when you really wanted to thank Kiyoomi, Huh? Or why do you hold back when you wanna invite him to dinners after practice with us?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Whoa, whoa whoa. This is </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>not</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> what I signed up for.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?! I—I Uhh, I don’t think that’s holding back, Uhh—“ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto laughs. He has the kinda laughter that fills up the entire room, no matter what.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Huh</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s so funny?” I snap, slightly annoyed now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was just thinking, ‘god I hope I wasn’t this clueless with Akaashi!!’, but chances are, I definitely was.” He continues to laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“With Akaashi? Like Akaashi Keji from Fukurōdani? Your old setter?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s the one. Old setter, current boyfriend I guess!! It’s a funny way of referring to him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>HUH?! </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I choke on the water I was drinking and think I’m about to pass out. Bokuto comes behind him and hits me a couple times on the back to help me out, all while laughing at me, nearly dying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, what?! Boyfriend?! I didn’t know you were—-uhhh—“ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does it bother you?” Bokuto stopped laughing to ask me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Please, of course it doesn't. I’m happy for you, I just had no idea, you never talk about it. I didn’t even know you were in a relationship.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto continues laughing, but much softer this time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, yeah, it's a long distance thing right now, so I really don’t get to see him as much as I would like to. I don’t talk about it too much cause it gets me kinda sad, ya know? Volleyball has always been that place where I can really be in a world of my own, so I try not to bring in outside stuff. Plus, ya never know how people are going to react, so at least for right now, it’s better this way. Don’t worry, when he comes here, I’ll show him off plenty.” I see a soft blush build up in Bokuto’s cheeks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s sweet</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I thought Bokuto was a loud-mouth, who would always wear his heart on his sleeve. Who knew he would have this quiet, sensitive side to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Wait</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But why did Bokuto compare me to him? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I look forward to it, Bo. And I really am happy for you, but, uhh— why did you compare us? I don’t think the situation is the same.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure about that?” Bokuto’s tone shifts back to inquisitive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Huh? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid Bokuto,</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em> of course</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> I’m sure. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Right? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, definitely sure it’s not the same. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Could it be the same?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto cuts off my thoughts again, “I remember, I first realized my feelings for Akaashi were different after school at practice when we were third years. We had taken our yearbook pictures that day, and Akaashi looked particularly handsome. There were a few girls that were being sweeter than usual, and he was responding</span>
  <em>
    <span>. It really pissed me off,</span>
  </em>
  <span> but I was also confused. I didn’t have a right to be upset, but to be honest, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> a right. Then, when I thought about it, it made sense. Chances are, I probably had feelings for him long before, but brushed them off as best friend things. Well, spoiler alert, they were gay things.” His laugh grows louder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s crazy how he could talk so freely about these things. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t know why, but I could only think of one question. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you know you were gay beforehand?” I asked. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...well, no, but that could be because I’m not gay. Or at least I don’t think so, I’ve been attracted to plenty of girls in the past, girls of all shapes and sizes. Even did some things with some, enjoyed it too. But I guess I’ve probably been into guys too. Although to be fair, Akaashi’s the first one I ever really thought of as a crush, and went after it, ya know? So I guess, if I had to put labels, I would be both, gay and straight?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to put labels. Sorry, Bo, I didn’t mean to assume.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His loud laugh returns. “It’s okay, I don’t mind, Tsum-Tsum!! But some advice? Overthinking it will probably get you nowhere….and for what it’s worth, you don’t seem to be the only one overthinking.” Bokuto continues chuckling to himself as he grabs his stuff and heads to the showers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He seems mighty pleased, while he just fucked up what little peace I had. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Could I really feel that way? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Could it really be like that?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It just might be…</span>
  </em>
</p>
<h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 7**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Definitely the Same</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!!! Thank you for the support thus far!!! Sorry for the slight delay, but we should back on schedule now!!! I hope you enjoy this chapter!! As always, I would love to hear your thoughts!!!! </p><p>I hope everyone’s staying safe and healthy! &lt;3</p><p>**Also please note: this chapter uses strong language!!! Chapters from here on out will most probably contain strong language, if there are any other warnings that I feel are appropriate, I will include it in the note beforehand :) </p><p>Next chapter: May 9th</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 8</b>
  </span>
</h2><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stupid Bokuto.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck does he know?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I mutter to myself walking into my apartment building. I’ve been replaying our conversation in my head the entire way home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Have I been acting weird around the team? Weird enough for </span>
  <b>
    <em>Bokuto</em>
  </b>
  <span> to notice? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I am happy for him, though. He’s eyes seemed to light up when he was talking about his old setter. For a second I thought he may have been bullshitting me, but it’s impossible. He was genuinely happy, and surprisingly soft when talking about Akaashi. It was sweet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t help but feel a teensy bit jealous. I’ve never really been in a “</span>
  <em>
    <span>relationship</span>
  </em>
  <span>”. Sure, I’ve had crushes and done things here and there with girls, but honestly, nothing noteworthy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I just never had the time to commit to anything...and my momma did raised me to not half ass anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“<strong><span class="u">But some advice? Overthinking it will probably get you nowhere….and for what it’s worth, you don’t seem to be the only one overthinking.</span></strong>”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those words, in particular, keep pointing in my head. Over and over again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What does he even mean? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Lovely</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It seems like the elevator in my building is reserved by a moving company. I wonder who’s moving in, but more importantly, I’m pissed I have to take the stairs. I’m sore from weight training today, the </span>
  <em>
    <span>last</span>
  </em>
  <span> thing I want to do is walk up six flights of stairs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I grunt, and start the climb of mount fucking Everest to my apartment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>By the time I reach my floor, I am out of breath and feel like I’m about to see stars. Pro athlete or not, stairs truly are a son of a bitch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I catch my breath and shuffle my way to my door. I notice the movers walking up and down the hall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hmmm, I guess someone’s moving in (</span>
  <em>
    <span>or out</span>
  </em>
  <span>) of this floor. It’s the top floor of the building, and these apartments are larger than the ones below, plus the building is pretty new, so I really don’t have a ton of neighbors. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I watch a couple of the movers take boxes from the elevator. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>In</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Someone’s definitely moving </span>
  <em>
    <span>in</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Miya-san?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Huh? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know that voice. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I whip my head to follow the sound. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh for fucks sake. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sakusa? Whadda doing here?” I try to laugh to mask my sheer panic. It definitely doesn’t work.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m moving into my apartment. It’s why I wasn’t at practice today. What are you doing here, Miya-san?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wasn’t at practice? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I spent the whole time training with Bokuto I didn’t even notice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m walking to my apartment. Just getting home from practice.” I laugh, this time easier, only because I find it hilarious how creatively Lady Luck has found has found ways to personally fuck me over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Well that’s an interesting coincidence. Which apartment is yours?” Sakusa says with a soft smile and a light giggle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
  <strong>
    <em>baddum</em>
  </strong>
  <span>* </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Focus, Atsumu. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mine is unit 6D9” I suddenly blush insanely embarrassed, saying the unit name that I found to be utterly hilarious when I first moved in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. I’m 6D10, guess we really are neighbors.” Sakusa says again with a soft smile. He’s dripping sweat (presumably from lugging his shit around all day), but he doesn’t seem tired. On the contrary, this is probably one of the brightest moods I’ve ever seen him in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>6D10?! That’s right in front of my apartment. We are literally front door neighbors. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I peek behind Sakusa to see boxes lined up in front of my door leading up to the apartment adjacent. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhh, why ya moving in now? You’ve been living in the area for a while, right?” I blurb out, I want to keep the conversation going. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ehh, not really, I had a place like 30 minutes from here, but my lease was up and I figured it would probably be a better idea to find someplace closer to the gym. Then I could sleep in longer. Definitely need my rest” he says, lightly laughing to himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Was that a joke? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Did Sakusa fucking Kiyoomi just tell me a joke? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>*</span>
  </em>
  <strong>
    <em>baddum</em>
  </strong>
  <em>
    <span>*</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Do I laugh? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I should definitely laugh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I laughed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck that was too loud. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhh, Sakusa-san, where would you like us to put this?” Two movers caring a stylish, yet simplistic chair utter at Sakusa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><em>Thank god for their timing</em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh right over here…” Sakusa calls back to the man, he turns to look at me “I’ll see you later, Miya-san. You can catch me up with what I missed today.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure. I got ya.” I smile back, “Oh and Sakusa!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turns back to look at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told you, just Atsumu.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right.” He nods at me and walks off, jestering the movers where to place the chair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I somehow fumble my way into my apartment, close the door, and slump down to the floor. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This can’t be happening. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
  <strong>
    <em>baddum</em>
  </strong>
  <span>* </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There goes my stupid heart again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>“<span class="u">I look forward to it, Bo. And I really am happy for you, but, uhh— why did you compare us? I don’t think the situation is the same.”  …. “Are you sure about that?</span>” </em>
  </b>
  <span>Bokuto words are racing through my head again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What a smug asshole. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fucking hell. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s the same as Bokuto and Akaashi. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Definitely the same. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 8**</span>
  </em>
</h6><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Two Orders of Rice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! I hope everyone is doing well and staying safe :) </p><p>First and foremost, thank you so much for 1.2K hits!!!! When I started this fic, my goal was to hit 500 hits by the end of it, so safe to say I am beyond happy and grateful. Thank you very much for even clicking on it! LOL </p><p>I had a bit too much fun with writing today and I wound up writing two chapters, so I will go ahead and post both now. I really have fallen in love with this story and have so many different ideas where to take it. I find the characters to be so much fun to right and their Atsumu's inner dialogue never fails to make me laugh to myself (I might sound crazy but oh well!!). I really hope you guys enjoy these couple of chapters, and that you continue to enjoy the story!!!! As always, I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments/messages!! Please feel free to interact, I would be more than happy to do so :) </p><p>Anyway I will stop rambling now. Please enjoy this chapter! &lt;3</p><p>**Please note, this chapter contains strong language** </p><p>Next chapter: In just a few minutes :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 9</b>
  </span>
</h2><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have feelings for Sakusa Kiyoomi. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Like </span>
  <em>
    <span>feelings</span>
  </em>
  <span>, feelings. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Who would have thought that Bokuto Koutaro of all people would make me realize this?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sure as shit, not me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s truly a dick. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When did this even happen? When did my feelings turn into something more? Was it at the lockers? Was it before? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t <em>think</em> I’ve ever had a crush on a guy...is it different? What does this mean for me? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Do I have to come out now? Should I start with Samu? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>God, what would he think?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa doesn’t feel the same so I wonder how long it’ll take me to get over these feelings? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have so many questions, and absolutely no answers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I gotta stop myself from spiraling. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I turn the water on to take a bath, and pour myself a drink.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I definitely need this today…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What should I have for dinner?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmm, maybe I’ll skip today, I don’t really feel like cooking.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before heading to the bath I grab one of my guilty pleasures, a mystery book. I’m feeling Sherlock Holmes tonight. It’s a corny story, but him and Watson for sure got a gay thing going on, so maybe it’ll help? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>God, I’m more desperate than I thought. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’ve always loved mystery books. It’s probably the last thing that someone would associate with my personality, but I truly do love them. Plus, it’s the one thing that I never shared with Osamu, he was never into it. It was mine, and only mine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em> I am</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> a bit of the jealous type? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I grab my book, my drink, and head to the bath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I open my eyes to find my book, sitting face down on my chest, half submerged in my still-sudsy bath water. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dam, I really wanted to read that book too. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I brush the book off and set it down on the ledge to dry, maybe it will still be readable once dry. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ugh, how long was I asleep for? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>*knock knock* </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>Huh</em>? I look around for my phone and come to the conclusion that I must have left it in the kitchen. </span>
  <span>It must be Samu, he’s the only person that would stop by unannounced like this. Was the knocked what woke me up?  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The asshole has a key, the fuck he’s making me get up for? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I count to three and force myself out of the bath, I realize that I was so excited for my bath that I didn’t even bother to bring a change of clothes into the bathroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>Oh well,</em> I grab my towel and wrap it tightly around my waist.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I glance at the clock as I head to the door: </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>9:38 PM</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>Hmm</em>, it’s a little late for Samu to visit, he has to get up batshit early for the restaurant so normally he falls lassoed like a fucking 80 year old at like 7:00 PM. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh well, I don’t give it a second thought and walk up to my front door and swing the door open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I immediately stand frozen in front of Sakusa, who looks only slightly less mortified than I. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you in practice tomorrow.” He says zipping around to face the other side of the hall. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck! </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I completely forgot. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He fucking moved across the hall! </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait! Sakusa-san, sorry! I thought you were my brother and didn’t even bother checkin’ before.” I blurt out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I’m sorry, are you expecting him?” Sakusa mumbles, still facing backwards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhh, no not really, I just thought it was him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah, makes sense.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Bullshit. That excuse didn’t make any sense. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>"Is everything okay?" I ask, almost begging for this conversation to be over so I can go and die of embarrassment in peace. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, everything is okay. Ummm, I just got dinner, but I ordered too much and I don’t have a fridge yet. I would hate to throw away food, plus rotting food attracts bugs, so I was going to ask if you wanted some.” He says, lifting up the trays of food that are in his hands, although he’s still turned around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhh, give me a sec please.” I panic, slam the door, and run to my room, within seconds I throw on a pair of sweatpants, and a sweater (one that admitted hugs my arms a little too much). I run back out to the living room, only to notice that I have shit thrown everywhere. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>It’s now or never, asshole.</em> I chant to myself and I zip around the room like a fucking pinball, picking up clothes, shoes and water bottles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As panic truly sets in that I may be taking too long, I shove it all into the closet in the hallway and run back to the front door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I peek through the peephole this time, to see Sakusa Kiyoomi, gripping a couple trays of food closely against his chest. He is bouncing slightly from side to side. His freshly washed curls are slowly drying and falling on his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
  <b>
    <em>baddum</em>
  </b>
  <span>* </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He really is fucking attractive. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I open the door again, “Uhh, sorry again, you can come on in if you would like.” I force myself to stay, still slightly out of breath. I step off to the side and gesture Sakusa to come in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I suddenly become aware that I just dumped my bag on the table when I got home today. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You eat here, Miya-san?” Sakusa says, looking at my dirty towel and bag on the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I almost choked on air, out of pure embarrassment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, right...Atsumu. You eat here, Atsumu?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He remembered. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My face feels like I have a fever... </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the fuck is this guy doing to me… </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Umm, normally, I am better at putting things away, I just had a bit of a crazy day today.” I chuckle to offset the awkwardness. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I walk over and pick up the bag and towel from the table. I pick up a clean rag and spray from the kitchen and continue to clean the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sakusa-san.” I motion for him to put the food down on the table. “I’ll get some plates.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, thanks” Sakusa says, nodding “You know, if I am calling you Atsumu, you can call my Kiyoomi. You don’t have to be so formal.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>*baddum* </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My heart is going to explode, I swear. <em>Is this what a crush looks like? </em></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Fucking Bokuto. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>None of this happened before I spoke with him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right, sounds good.” I confirm. There is no way I could say his given name, I would probably pass out right then and there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I grab a couple of plates and walk back to Sakusa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks for offering dinner, I didn’t feel like cooking today, so it winds up working out great!” I smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I need to be natural, regardless of my feelings for him. Sakusa is my teammate (and neighbor now), I can’t afford to have anything awkward between us. I need to make it work. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, no problem, I was pretty hungry after moving and wound up ordering with my eyes. There’s no way I could eat all of it.” Sakusa says, opening up the platter of chicken. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Here.” He hands me a container of rice and a bowl of miso soup, while opening his</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Huh? Why would Sakusa order two orders of rice and two orders of soup for himself? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Unless...could he?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <span>Could he have </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>wanted</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> to eat with me?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 9**</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! Thank you again for all the support! I made a length note on last chapter, so I will keep it quick this time! Thank you again and I really enjoy this chapter!! I definitely had a lot of fun with this one (I'll hope you'll see why)!!!!!!! </p><p>As always, I would love to hear your thoughts!! Please feel free to comment and message me!!! &lt;3 </p><p>**Please note this chapter contains strong language** </p><p>Next Chapter: May 10th</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 10</b>
  </span>
</h2><p> </p><p>
  <span>No way. The food probably just came that way. I push the dumb thought to the back of my head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I thank Sakusa for the food again and start eating. I didn’t realize how hungry I truly was until I took my first bite of rice. </span>
  <span>There is truly nothing more comforting than a fresh bowl of rice. I smile thinking that Samu would be proud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, Atsumu, how was practice today?” Sakusa snaps me out of my daydream. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>There's my name again.</em> I really should have let him call me Miya. Every time he says Atsumu I think I might die. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmmmm” I mutter trying to finish chewing, Sakusa would definitely leave if I talk with food in my mouth. I force myself to swallow quickly. “It was a decent day, I spent it weight training with Bokuto. So, I am not sure what everyone else did.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, that sounds fun, you must be tired.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, a little tired, I guess.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Neither you nor Bokuto know when to quit. You two probably should have had a babysitter before you pull a muscle.” He smiles softly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>*baddum*</strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, he's so cute. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We were good today, we wound up talking more than anything, to be honest.” I smiled again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh? What could the two of you have been possibly talking about all day?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Uh-oh. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh stupid shit, ya know?” I chuckle again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, I knew that much already, without a doubt. I was just curious about what stupid shit.” He laughs softly to himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ow! Shit.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My head jerks down where I see some soup has spilled on Sakusa’s hand and shirt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh shit, the soup is really hot. Are you okay?” I ask. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I think I'm fine, it wasn't too much. Uhh, could I use your bathroom to wash it quickly?” I could tell he is really uncomfortable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, of course, it is right over there.” I point over to the bathroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks” he mutters, with a quick smile, and then shuffles away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I get up and look for the first aid kit in the kitchen. I am positive Mom gave me one when I moved in. It probably has something for burns. I find the kit under the kitchen sink. I grab it and walk back to the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>Hmm, I hope he is okay</em>. He tried to downplay it, but I know Sakusa freaks out over injuries, especially anything involving his arms. He’s been in the bathroom for a couple minutes, I wonder if I should go and check on him. There is not much he could do in there.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em><span class="u"><strong>Wait</strong></span></em>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span><strong>Fuck</strong>! </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My bathroom! <strong>Fuck</strong>!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How could I be so <strong>stupid</strong>!? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The face soap!! The fucking card!!!! </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>
      <em>I completely forgot. </em>
    </strong>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After that day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The day that Sakusa comforted me with few words but volumes in actions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All he did was hand me face wash and a card with my name on it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was nothing special. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was nothing to Sakusa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But it meant </span>
  <b>
    <em>everything</em>
  </b>
  <span> to me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I kept them in my bathroom, on the left side of the faucet. I couldn’t even get myself to use the face wash. Just having it there. It reminded me that someone cared enough about me without having anything to get out of me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>Fuck</em>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That was the day. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The day I fell in love with Sakusa Kiyoomi.  </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Panic sets in and I feel my heart start racing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No shit he has not come out, he’s so freaked out right now! He is probably trying to think of a way to escape without making me feel bad. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em><span class="u"><strong>FUCK</strong></span></em>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel my throat closing in. My lungs can't full with air no matter how hard I try to force it in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s</span>
  </em>
  <span> here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I gotta get Sakusa out of here before <em>it</em> gets worse. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, Im going to have to move. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am spiraling. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Okay, I need to get a grip. Step one, I need to get Sakusa the fuck out. </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I get up and walk over to the bathroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I stand in front of the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What will I even say? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>
      <span>“Oh please get out of my apartment before I lose my shit. Ooo why am I going to lose my shit you ask? No biggie, just that I have recently discovered, thanks to a certain dipshit, that I am actually in love with you, and I probably have been since you showed me a fucking SHRED of kindness a fucking lifetime ago. Are you terrified? Yeah sounds ‘bout right.” </span>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh yeah, that will go over lovely. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I am brought back to reality by the sound of the bathroom handle turning. I am completely and entirely frozen in my steps. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa opens the door with the face cleanser in one hand, and the card he wrote me in the other. He jumps slightly at the sight of me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It takes every ounce of energy within me to stay standing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> “You kept this? I thought Inarizaki didn't need memories?” He looks down at me with a viciously sly smile. He is just a couple centimeters taller than me, but right now it feels like he could crush me like a bug. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t find the energy to say a word. I am just staring at him, completely at his mercy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what I should be more concerned about.” He continues. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh god, here it comes. I can’t handle this right now, should I stop him? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“The fact that you placed my note in a steamy bathroom to get ruined, or the fact that this face wash is just as full as when I gave it to you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">
      <strong>Huh!? </strong>
    </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">
      <strong>What...the….fuck!? </strong>
    </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I still cannot move, but I feel my face becoming redder and redder by the second. I cannot control the blush and I am so confused. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa takes a step closer to me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">
      <strong>What in the fucking fuck is going on? I feel like I have been holding my breath for an hour. A deep exhale escapes me. </strong>
    </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa tilts his head looking at me, flashes that murderous soft smile of his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My heart is going to explode and I am going to die. That's it, I am done for. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With the note still in his hand, Sakusa grabs my jaw, tilts my face towards his, locks eyes with me, smiles again, and presses his lips onto mine. </span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 10**</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Couldn’t Stop Myself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello!! I hope everyone is still staying safe (and enjoying the story thus far). I am v nervous about this chapter!! It is in a completely different direction from what I normally write, but I am also excited to experiment with a couple different styles!! </p><p>Anyway, a humongous thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support. As always, I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts, please feel free to comment and message me !!! Thank you once again and I really hope you enjoy this chapter !!! &lt;3</p><p>**Please note this chapter contains strong language</p><p>Next Chapter: May 12th</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 11</b>
  </span>
</h2><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Oh my god.</em>
  </b>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My mind immediately goes blank, but I instantaneously become hypersensitive. I can sense everything that is happening in the moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Everything</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I <em>can see a blush forming on the apples of his cheeks</em>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can feel his hand lightly pushing my jaw upward and pulling my face closer to him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can smell the scent of my hand soap that still lingers on his fingers. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can hear a small groan escape the back of his throat as he pushes our lips together. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can even taste some leftover miso soup that never made it into his mouth. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa pulls away and looks at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>It feels like he is staring directly into my fucking soul.</em> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A smile forms across his lips. He chuckles slowly, and lets his forehead drop to touch mine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I am truly amazed my heart has managed to continue beating through this. I am sure it is going to give out any second now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shall we continue?” Sakusa whispered, opening his eyes to meet mine, although his forehead has not left mine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Continue?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>fuck</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> he means conintue? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Continue kissing? What comes after that? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Does he---</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Continue dinner, Atsumu. My hand is okay, it really wasn’t that bad” Sakusa lifts his head and sneers, shaking his hand in front of my face. I must have looked absolutely petrified. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I find myself embarrassed all over again. I want to answer him, but all I can manage is a grunt of confirmation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, okay, let’s go.” He nods at me and steps around to walk back to the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Wait</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>fuck</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> just happened!? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sakusa. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sakusa </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>fucking</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> Kiyoomi. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kissed </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>me</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Me</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Am I dreaming? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Am I losing it? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh my god, am I schizophrenic? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Did that really just happen? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fucking</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em> h o w?</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have skyrocketed past “spiraling” at this point, my brain might give out before my heart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Atsumu?” I hear Sakusa call from the table. It sounds like he already has his mouth full, eating again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if my body automatically responds to him, I begin my shuffle towards the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have so many questions, but I don’t even know how to ask them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As I walk back to the table, I notice Sakusa, whose back is turned to me, has a small slouch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hmm, I never noticed it before. He almost looks like he is trying to roll up in a ball. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s cute. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I walk over with a small smile, a direct result of my new finding. My heart is still racing a million miles a minute, but I somehow also feel peaceful. If I could live in this moment for just a bit, I would be happy. I am afraid to ask Sakusa what he meant by that. I am afraid I do not want to hear the answer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My glance catches the face cleanser and note and on the table, right beside him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa follows my line of sight to the items. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You really need to wash your face more often. I gave that bottle to you forever ago.” He says, looking back at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wash my face in the shower! Yer a dumbass.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh really? Then why keep the soap by your sink, hmmm, and the note with it too for that matter?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I am frozen again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ummm” I somehow lost the ability to speak. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa snorts, “I am just kidding, Atsumu. Relax. I even think it’s cute.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? You do?” My mouth does that thing when the words come out before my brain could stop it again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm” he mumbles through a bite of rice, “although for the record, keeping the note in a steamy room will ruin it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. Uhh, yeah I guess yer right. It just felt weird to separate them.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ahhh, I see.” He says nodding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How is he so nonchalant about this? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Should I bring up the kiss? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if it meant different things to us? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait.” Sakusa states, staring directly at me. My heart drops. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This is it. The moment when he calls me a freak and storms out. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you aren’t using the soap I gave you, what soap are you using to clean your face?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Huh?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Oh, uhh, I went out and bought the same bottle, I just keep it in my shower, so it’s easier to use.” I say, finally reaching to eat something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I look up to see a blushing Sakusa. Cheeks completely flushed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Is this because I bought the same cleanser? I just figured that if Sakusa uses it, it must be good for my face. I liked the soft smell when I used it the day he gave it to me, but I didn’t want to use the bottle so I just bought another one. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Regardless, I can’t help but feel proud for putting him in that state. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My own body responds with a blush of its own. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe it is a combination of serotonin and adrenaline that is pumping through my body, but I feel brave enough to ask. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, umm, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sakusa-san</span>
  </em>
  <span>, about that….over there? Was I obvious? I just really realized today, ya know?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa’s eye widen momentarily in shock, and then quickly return to normal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Kiyoomi</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” He says, firmly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span> Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right, sorry. Kiyoomi.” I reaffirm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Also, no. To be honest, I had no idea. Even when I saw the soap and note, I thought you may have just put them there and forgotten about it. When I opened the door, I just wasn’t expecting to see you….and I guess I just couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t know until you kissed back, thank god, it could have made things pretty bad. But, uhh What do you mean you just realized today?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Just couldn’t </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>stop</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> himself? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>From kissing </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>me</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My heart rate starts to pick up once again.   </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh. I just meant that today, I just had a conversation that made me realize.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Realize what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did the conversation make you realize?” His eyes are looking into my soul again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>can’t</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> say it outloud. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa’s gaze is not giving up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>have</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> to say it outloud. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Made me realize….my Uhh… my feelings...my feelings for you.” I feel like I’m about to break out in a fever as the words escape my mouth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And those feelings are?” Sakusa says, his gaze still fixated on me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is he fucking serious? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As if he could read my mind, Sakusa's face softens slightly and he exhales, “I need to hear you say it, Atsumu.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>fuck</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> it. I’m not a patient man anyway, </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I like you, Kiyoomi. Not like a teammate, or neighbor, or even best friend. I like like you. To be honest, this is all very new to me and there is definitely a lot more that I don’t know, but I do know that I like you. As a matter of fact, I think that is all I know right now.” I exhale loudly as the last word comes out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa closes his eyes and plants his palms on the table to push himself up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Great, I’ve done it now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks around to the other side of the table, where I am sitting. I turn to face the direction in which he is walking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Using both hands this time, Sakusa cups either side of my face and pushes it up to kiss me once again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second our lips touch, I feel a low moan escape me. I am embarrassed but not ashamed. This kiss is different, we fit better this time. It feels so….so right. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmm Mmm Mmm” Sakusa says while stepping back, “when you said a conversation today...you didn’t mean with Bokuto...did you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Uhh, yeah, it actually was. Why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That fucker.” Sakusa says, giggling a little bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, his giggle is so cute. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kiyoomi, such profanity!” I jab at him, I’m not sure if it was the second kiss, but I feel invincible right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Atsumu. Boy do I have a story for you.” Sakusa smiles, caressing his thumb across my lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>Huh</em>? </span>
</p><p> </p><h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 11**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Sakusa's Side</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!! I hope everyone is doing well. Today's chapter is a little special, I decided to give Sakusa a chapter of his own!! I hope this chapter adds a bit of context and understanding to the dynamic between the two characters. I still plan on writing the vast majority of the story from Atsumu's POV, but I also think it might be helpful to see things from Sakusa's POV every now and then. Anyway, I really hope everyone enjoy's this chapter and continues to enjoy the story!!</p><p>As always, I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts, please feel free to comment or message me. I love hearing what people have to say, it makes writing the story all the more fun to know that people actually read it -- LOL. </p><p>Anyway, I will stop rambling now, enjoy!!! </p><p>**Please note this chapter contains strong language** </p><p>Next Chapter: May 14th</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 12</b>
  </span>
</h2><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>**Sakusa’s POV**</em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My heart is racing. It has not stopped racing since I saw him earlier today. I wonder if he noticed how nervous I got when I saw him? Probably not, he is somehow intelligent and insanely dense at the same time. It is endearing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I made the decision to make an effort after I saw him. It is logical to be friendly with neighbors after all. I went back and forth on whether I should “casually” leave for practice at the same time as him tomorrow, but I got impatient...and hungry. So I ordered food for the both of us. At first, I was going to just tell him I got dinner to celebrate my moving-in and I did not want to celebrate alone, but then… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He answered the door… like that. I lost all composure, and blurted out and I “accidently” ordered for two. He probably knew it was bullshit, but went along with it anyway. That was kind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, of course, I made a fool of myself. When I get really nervous, my hands start shaking. I spilled hot soup on myself like a child. He was concerned that I was injured. Even in pain, there was a small part of me that was slightly happy that he was concerned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I guess everything does happen for a reason, though. Had it not been for the hot soup spill, I probably would not have gone to the bathroom and seen my gift to him. The second I saw the soap, I knew exactly what it was, but I thought he was just a little nasty (and did not wash his face). But, when I saw his face stepping out of the bathroom...it clicked. Everything clicked. My mind went blank, for just a moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My body moved before my brain could get it to stop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I kissed him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And then I kissed him again. He said that he has feelings for me. More than teammates. More than neighbors. I did not know how desperate I was to hear that until the words were coming out of his mouth. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He said he realized his feelings after talking to someone earlier today. There is no way he also talked to Bokuto, right? Definitely, not. Should I ask him? Probably not. Will I ask him? Yeah. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I suddenly become so desperate to know the answer that I don’t even wait until I am done kissing him to get his attention. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm” I say through the kiss “When you said a conversation today...you didn’t mean with Bokuto...did you?” I pull back to get a better look at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He really is handsome, especially when he is nervous and does not speak much. His hair is surprisingly healthy despite the bleach he drowns it in. He has gotten much better at bleaching his hair since high school. It’s not the piss yellow it used to be, it has mellowed out, to a color that really suits him.  When he gets flustered, the blush focuses on the apples of his cheeks, and his brows furrow, almost like he is upset. It is easy to tease him, he reacts so quickly… but he hides a lot of emotions as well. He is good at keeping it private. If I had not seen him that day...I would have no idea.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Uhh, yeah, it actually was. Why?” He looks at me, his eyes widening a bit, like he is surprised. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That fucker.” I cannot help but let out a small chuckle. Bokuto played us like a simple game. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kiyoomi, such profanity!” My heart flutters at the words a bit. I can’t help but feeling a bit embarrassed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He used my name this time. I like the sound of my name with his voice. It is soothin</span>
  </em>
  <span>g. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I smile. “Atsumu. Boy do I have a story for you.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” He looks surprised again. I noticed he turns his head a bit to the side when he is confused...like a puppy. I wind up picturing it and laughing a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s so funny?” He asks, head turned again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I turn and walk back to my side of the table, I cannot stay on the same side as him. If my body decides to start moving on its own I might kiss him again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think we may have been played.” I say, sitting in the seat opposite to Atsumu. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Played? What is that supposed to mean?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I had a conversation with Bokuto last week.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, and? You two are on the same team, I am sure you have lots of conversations.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oi vey, thank god he’s pretty. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I mean, I think we had a similar conversation to what you had with him today. By any chance, was there another Fukorodani alumni mentioned in your conversation?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No fucking shit, Akaashi!?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Now who is using profanity?” I sneer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whoops.” He giggles, he seems more comfortable now. He was so tense just a few moments ago. “Bo told you about him and Akaashi?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Among other things.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like?” His head is now resting on his hand. The pressure of his hand has pushed his cheek up to make it look like he is squinting out of his left eye. He really does look like a puppy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, conversation started. Bokuto started asking questions, then asked what I thought about you. Then laughed and told me about him and Akaashi. Then left. It was a simple, yet effective conversation.” I was the one that brought up the conversation, but I am too embarrassed to give any more details than absolutely integral to the story. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Atsumu breaks out in a laugh that fills his entire apartment. He even rocks back and forth a bit. It is such a genuine laugh. It makes me feel warm inside, I smile a bit, I guess his laughter is a bit infectious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That conversation sounds pretty damn similar, Omi-Omi! I can’t believe that son of a bitch gave us the same talk!” He blurts out in between his bouts of laughter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Omi-Omi. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He seems not to have noticed he called me that, but it immediately replays on a loop, in my head. My heart is pounding. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wow, I really have feelings for him don’t I? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I get lost in the moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I knew of Miya Atsumu from high school. We were in the same year, participated in the All-Japan youth camp together. He was popular too. He had (and still has) fans that would follow and cheer for him as if he was an idol. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I remember him being arrogant and overzealous. He was talented and well aware of it. I think he genuinely enjoyed tormenting other players. He infamously lets other players know that if they cannot hit his sets, it is because they suck. That kind of overconfidence used to really annoy me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That interaction changed my viewpoint on him. When I saw how scared and panicked he looked, it all made sense. He did not announce his abilities to the world to show off, he did it to convince everyone, including himself, that he was good enough. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What I saw as arrogance and overzealousness was, in reality, underlying insecurity and anxiety. I have no idea where it stems from, but, seeing him in that situation… It made me respect and admire his strength. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I am a mysophobe, through and through. I have never been strong enough to hide it. People tend to think that I am odd or antisocial. That’s not true. I just get uncomfortable, quickly. When I get uncomfortable, I find it the most effective to distance myself, in whatever way. Then, I cannot think of things to say. I was arrogant, and thought that everyone was as simple and transparent as I am.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>He</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> isn’t. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After our interaction in the locker room that day, I found myself getting inexplicably nervous around him. I caught myself noticing things about him, like when he would forget to style his hair in the morning, or when he would wear mismatched socks. I found it easy to spot things about him that I wouldn’t notice with anyone else. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Whenever we find ourselves in a conversation together, especially just the two of us, I would feel a ball form in my stomach. It was uncomfortable, so I distanced myself, as I always do. I would say the bare minimum and bluntly end conversations when I had the chance. However, I also found myself feeling guilty, or even upset at myself afterward. I could not understand why I felt these strange feelings around him, but it did not have a logical reasoning. I am sure I must have come off as rude. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Then, Bokuto approached me. Bokuto has never cared if I am blunt or snappy with him, he laughs off the comments and continues like nothing happened. It is nice to have someone like that around, so I have even grown accustomed to working one-on-one with him. When he asked about Atsumu, I figured he had noticed how rude I was, and was going to tell me off, but he didn’t. He opened himself up to help me understand something I couldn’t even imagine. Through his teasing and jokes, he left me with an idea, that maybe I was avoiding confronting my feelings for another reason. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Spoiler alert: turns out Bokuto is smarter than he looks. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It didn’t take long for me to come to terms with what Bokuto vaguely suggested. I have never particularly given much thought to who I have been attracted to. I had a couple of girls confess to me in high school, but I always thought all the work I would put into a “relationship” (that would probably fail) could be better used for something else, so I turned them down. I don’t think any of them particularly attracted me either. Perhaps, that is why my attraction to Atsumu was such a foreign feeling, at first. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It has not been long since I realized my feelings, but it is crazy how desperately one’s mind and body accepts and normalizes one’s desires. No part of me tried to fight or deny the fact that I was attracted to Atsumu, both physically and emotionally. I was curious about him, and would do almost anything to learn more. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Looking back on it now, Bokuto probably caused more stress on me realizing my feelings for Atsumu than if he had just cursed me out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But, if he had just cursed me out...what would I have missed out on?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t help but feel grateful to Bokuto. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Omi?” I snap back into reality by Atsumu’s voice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>When did he stop laughing? How long have I been zoned out? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” I respond, instinctively. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay? You looked kinda out of it?” Atsumu lets his hand fall from supporting his head, to fall flat on the table in between the two of us. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My eyes follow his hand down to the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is this real?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, just thinking about how lucky I am, right about now.” I say, reaching over and placing my hand gently on top of his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I see the apples of his cheeks redden, immediately. His eyes widen quickly and then he averts his eyes from my gaze.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>love</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> that I can get this reaction out of him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I really am. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I really am <strong>lucky to have him. </strong></span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 12**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. A League of His Own</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!! I know I must sound like a broken record at this point, but honestly, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support for the story thus far!! I really don’t think anyone understands how much I truly adore to read any comments and receive kudos from people who are reading the story. It makes my day each and every time. I am really grateful for every single person :) Please, please feel free to continue doing interacting with the story!!!</p><p>This chapter we are back to my buddy Atsumu’s POV, it’s definitely fun imagining Atsumu and his little romantically flustered moments :’-) </p><p>ANYWAY, I really hope you enjoy this chapter and the ones yet to come!!! </p><p>**Please note, this chapter uses some strong language.** </p><p>Next Chapter: May 15th :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 13</b>
  </span>
</h2><p>
  <em>
    <span>**Back to Atsumu’s POV**</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, just thinking about how lucky I am, right about now.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa’s hand is on top of mind. To make matters worse he is even smiling at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>*baddum* </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My heart rate spikes up again, after it had finally calmed down. I feel my cheeks warm up as a blush appears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Geez. Yer really tryin’ to kill me.” I say, taking a deep breath, in an attempt to calm myself down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa giggles softly. “Not at all, I couldn’t handle a dead body.” He smiles again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s the only reason? Good to know.” I snarkily remark, flashing a smile back at him. I see him blush. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmm</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I think proudly. </span>
  <b>
    <em>Two</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> can play at this game. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, well that… and I would probably miss seeing you bounce around at practice and games.” He wryly says, tiling his head, looking at me through the falling curls on his face. He slowly moves his hand underneath mine, pushing my hand up, to make it look like I am about to give him a high five. Then, he aligns his slightly larger hand with mine, offsets his hand, and interlaces our fingers, so that we are now holding hands. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Fuck that. </em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>He won, he is playing this game in another league. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t stand a chance. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have to physically hold in a gasp, so much so that I feel that I am going to pass out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His smile widens. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This motherfucker knows </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>exactly</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> what he is doing. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Think, Atsumu, think</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I need to say something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Think. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Think! </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, Bokuto really secretly set us up didn’t he?” I blurt out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>After all that thinking, that’s the shit I come up with. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, it sure as shit looks like it. I just can’t believe he barely even waited a week. No patience, whatsoever.” Sakusa says, still smiling, now twiddling his thumb around the top of my hand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have never seen Sakusa smile this much. I can’t help but feel partly responsible (in a good way). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, it lines up with his personality. He has always had a knack of doing whatever he needs to do to get what he wants. Both on and off the court, apparently.” I lightly laugh, I still cannot believe that he was in a relationship all this time and I had no idea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I guess so. We should probably mention something to him, when we get the chance. I’m sure he probably won’t let us go either way.” Sakusa says, poking around at what is left of his dinner. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, he definitely won’t let us go.” I lightly chuckle . </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm.” I accidentally think out loud. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” Sakusa questions in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, sorry. I was just thinking. I wonder if Hinata knows about Bo and Akaashi? Bokuto and Hinata have been pretty close since high school, so you would think so, but Hinata also does not seem like the person to zip his lips and I had no idea about Bo and Akaashi.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, maybe. I mean, I did not know who he was in a relationship with, but I was pretty certain that Bokuto was in the relationship with somebody, prior to him telling me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yer lying! How did you know, you don’t even talk to him that much!” I exclaim. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need to talk to him, genius. I have eyes and ears. Whenever somebody would bring up couples he would get slightly distracted from the conversation. Even when people would bring up drinking or heading to a bar, he would either come up with an excuse or say that he could “barely” drink because he had to get home. It was obvious that he was, in the very least, interested in someone. You’re just too dense to notice.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ehh, I just think that means yer creepy, Omi.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Shit</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>. That’s the second time I have called him Omi. It’s an accident, it is just easier to say Omi than Kiyoomi with my accent. Plus it sounds a lot cuter. He didn’t mention anything the last time, maybe he doesn’t mind? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmmm, very mature to call me creepy, when you just failed to notice it.” Sakusa sneers, taunting me again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I unwillingly blush in response. </span>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <em>He didn’t mention anything about the name, maybe he really doesn’t mind? </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, it is getting late and we have practice early tomorrow. How about we call it a night?” Sakusa asks, already getting up to clean the plates off of the table. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mmm.” I mumble in agreement. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without asking, Sakusa takes everything he could and begins washing the dishes in the sink. I want to stop him, but honestly I hate doing dishes. To top it off he looks so natural and relaxed, he is even humming something to himself. Not to be dramatic, but I would dirty every dish I have, at every single meal, if he would wash them looking like that. I quietly laugh at the idea of domesticated Sakusa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I quickly snapped myself out of it before giving Sakusa a chance to notice that I was starring. I pick up the rest of the garbage and throw it away. We finish around the same time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I walk Sakusa to the entrance where he stops and looks at me, as if he is waiting for me to ask him something. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What the hell could he want? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My mind starts racing, thinking of what I could say or ask him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Oh</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>! </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi, do you wanna go to practice together tomorrow? People are going to find out we are neighbors, so they shouldn’t make too big of a deal about it, and if they do we can always---” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure, let’s go to practice together.” He cuts me off. My heart starts pounding again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Looking forward to it. Let’s meet at around 7:45/8:00 to give us plenty of time to get to---” I ramble on. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm” Sakusa mumbles, as he uses his finger to push my head up towards him and places his lips on mine...again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>
    <em>He’s really not going to stop until I pass out for real.</em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel my heart rate skyrocket even higher as I hear a low moan escape the back of his throat. Sakusa slides his tongue quickly into my mouth before pulling away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Atsumu. See you tomorrow.” He sneers in a low voice as he opens the door and leaves my apartment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I stand on the other side of my front door, frozen, trying to process what just happened. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I touch my freshly-kissed lips and then pinch my arm to make sure this isn’t some kind of fucked up dream. It’s not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a couple of seconds I push myself to turn off the lights and head to bed. The second I hit the sheets I start smiling like a teenager who just had their first kiss. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>
    <em>Could this be real? </em>
  </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    <em>Could Sakusa Kiyoomi really have feelings for me? </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>
    <em>
      <b>Me!? </b>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I decide not to allow myself to think too much about it, but I lose control. I want to be able to enjoy this night, as the wonderful near-death experience that it was. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right before I close my eyes, I decide to check my phone, I didn’t even look at it the entire time that Sakusa was here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>
    <em>Hmm, two missed calls from Samu and a text. </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey. Tried calling. You must be sleeping. (loser). Are you busy this weekend? Suna said Aran might be visiting and wanted to see us. Let’s have dinner on Friday. I’ll make reservations.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why bother asking if I’m busy, if you are going to make plans for me anyway? Oh well, I didn’t have plans anyway, so no big deal. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I wonder if I should tell Samu about what happened tonight? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have always told him everything about any romantic interests in my life, and he has told me his.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Should I tell him it’s a dude first, or just tell him and let ‘em figure it out? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I start to feel the worrying building up in the stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>Stop</em>. I need to fall asleep before it gets too much. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I will just ask Bokuto for advice. I am sure he will know what to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>
    <em>Oh god, I can’t believe I am relying on Bokuto now, for relationship advice!? </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I tell myself it is time to turn my brain off, I have a little routine. Whenever my thoughts get to be too much and I feel like I can’t just fall asleep, I play some white noise from my phone and count backwards from 100, it works pretty well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I set my alarm for tomorrow morning, find my song of choice, and start counting… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>
    <em>100…</em>
  </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    <em>99… </em>
  </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>
    <em>98…. </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
  <b>
    <em>brrring</em>
  </b>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
  <b>
    <em>brrring</em>
  </b>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
  <b>
    <em>brrring</em>
  </b>
  <span>*</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ugh. I wake up to the sound of my alarm blasting directly into my ear. I must have fallen asleep pretty quickly last night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I wish I could stay in bed for a couple more minutes, but I already set my alarm a little later, plus the bubbling excitement in me is getting hard to contain. I am going to walk to practice with Sakusa. I can’t help but burst out a big smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I practically hop out of bed and into the shower, I even used my nice conditioner to make sure my hair looks good. I shave and find my sharpest looking practice outfit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I shove down a protein shake and bar, grab my MSBY jacket, and go to take one final check in the mirror.I do my final checks, brush my teeth and head to the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I glance at the time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>7:38 AM </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ahh, perfect, done just in time</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I peek through the peephole to find Sakusa staring at his phone, waiting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I swing the door open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing!? You’re early!?” I yell at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know about you, but I was always taught that if you’re ‘on time’, you are late. Oh and good morning to you too, Atsumu.” Sakusa slyly smiled at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>*</span>
  <b>
    <em>baddum</em>
  </b>
  <span>* </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh hell no. It’s too early for this shit. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel the blush racing to my checks already. I roll my eyes.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa uses his shoulder to bump into me as he chuckles, with arrogance. He allows our fingers to intertwine briefly as he pulls his face mask down and brushes a light kiss on my cheek.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, let’s go, shall we?” He asks, already walking in front of me towards the elevators. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, this asshole is really in a league of his own. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 13**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Just Squeeze</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!! I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy! I hope you enjoy this chapter!! I am really sorry that I am posting today's chapter a little later (in Eastern time), I got carried away and couldn't stop writing!! LOL I have fallen head over heels in love with writing dialogue for Bokuto, it has become one of my new favorite things. I am very excited for the next few chapters and I really hope everyone will enjoy them as well!! </p><p>As always, I absolutely love to hear your thoughts and comments, please feel free to continue!!! &lt;3 </p><p>Of course, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support and I really hope you continue to support and enjoy the story!!!! </p><p>**Please note, this language contains strong language** </p><p>Next Chapter: May 16th :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 14</b>
  </span>
</h2><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa and I walk side by side to practice. At times we are talking and laughing, in between those moments are moments of silence. However, Sakusa does not let too much time pass without throwing in a jab or two to make me laugh or blush (or a combination of the two). I have never seen time so lively, it’s like he’s a completely different person… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s like he’s finally comfortable. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even before, he would make comments from time to time, but he always seemed to hesitate, or second guess himself. Now, even on a simple walk, I see him more confident and sure of himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>It’s really attractive. </strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My heart feels a little heavy with sadness as I see our gym getting closer and closer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I had the full intention of stopping right before the player’s entrance. However, before I could even pause for a second, Sakusa was already inside at full swing. I followed behind him like a scared child. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good morning.” Sakusa said, back to his fairly monotonic tone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A shower of casual ‘good mornings’ returned. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, well, well! Good morning indeed, Tsumu-Tsumu, Omi-Omi!!! I did not know you two came to practice together!! Would you look at that, you learn something new every day.” Bokuto yells, with a smile that is too big for his face. I immediately roll my eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bokuto-san, my name is Kiyoomi.” Sakusa snaps back, without pausing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait, what? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I called him Omi </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>multiple</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> times last night and he did not correct me once? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Did he not notice? </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>Impossible</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>. I said it multiple times </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>directly</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> at him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Didi he not care? Because it’s </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>me</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With just the thought, I instantly feel the blush building up on my face, and instinctively grab my jacket and put it over my face <em>(as if I was cold)</em> to hide it. Probably not the smoothest move, but I was desperate. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oops, my bad!” Bokuto responds with a smile. “Anywayyyy, since when do you two walk together to practice?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Since when do you police how people get to practice Bokuto-san?” Sakusa snaps back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oooo someone is a little prickly this morning. Hmmm did you not get much sleep last night, Omi-Omi?” Bokuto laughs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why wouldn’t Sakusa get much sleep? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>OH! </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My blush intensifies. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kiyoomi, Bokuto-san.” Sakusa says as his head turns to me , “Hey. Are you okay? Are you cold or something?” He says in a low voice, so that only I hear him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whatcha whispering about?” Bokuto teases in a singsongy voice, as he drapes his arms over Sakusa and I. I did not even have a chance to answer Sakusa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, no, no no, Boktuo. Off.” Sakusa immediately responds, sternly, as he slips under Bokuto’s grasp, and takes off his jacket and walks away to put his stuff down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Whew. It’s a nice view. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How did I never notice my attraction before? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s insanely distracting now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sooo, are you going to tell me why you two came in together or are you going to let me die in anticipation?” Boktuo turns to plead with me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, I think I’ll take option number two, please.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tsumu-tsumu!! Come on!!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh. Bokuto really has this way with people that truly makes it impossible to deny him anything. I gotta learn how he does it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, if your noisy ass must know…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, yes, it must.” Bokuto sneaks in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It turns out that Sakusa is my front door neighbor now. He moved into the apartment right in front of me yesterday. So we just decided to talk together today.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“WHAT!? NO WAY!! BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!” Bokuto bursts into hysterical laughter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh, god. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I roll my eyes and turn to walk away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait, no, don’t leave!” Boktuo stutters out, chasing after me, all while still obnoxiously laughing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What more do you want to know?” I snap back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto drapes his arm around me again, and drags me over to the direction of the locker room (where Sakusa is still putting his stuff away) “So you two are practically roomies, and that’s it? No conversation?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>refuse</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> to give him this satisfaction right now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope, nothing.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, really?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yup, really.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, then how did the two of you decide to meet to walk to practice? Did you shuffle in silence all the way over here?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>Shit</em>. I forgot that he could be quick witted and observant when he wants to be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, asshole. So he came over for dinner last night and we talked about walking over together, but that’s it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am such a liar</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oya, oya, now who’s idea was dinner?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one’s, he accidentally ordered too much food and did not want to throw it away.” I retorted. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who ordered too much!? Omi!?” He breaks out into laughter again, it’s even more annoying that it is directly in my ear now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Tsumu. This is Sakusa Kiyoomi we are talking about. Does he seem like the kind of person who would order with eyes and get too much food?” Bokuto continues, his tone shifting to inquisitive. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span><strong>I knew it.</strong> He did want to have dinner with me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My blush returns again. I really gotta get this under control. I did not have time to move my jacket up again and Bokuto's eyes widen as he takes note of my red cheeks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My man!” Bokuto exclaims, hitting my arm. “Something definitely happened, if you don’t want to tell me, I won’t invade your privacy.” He says holding up his palms, as if he was pleading innocence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Are you serious!? After all of that you ‘don’t want to invade my privacy’ !? Asshole. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t help but laugh at his hypocrisy. He’s annoying, but still fun to be around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just tell me one thing…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” I question. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Did the two of you actually have a talk? Like, for real?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I sigh. “Yeah….yeah, we did.” I said, smiling. I knew exactly what he was <strong>really</strong> asking, but decided to give in anyway. It’s the least I could do to partially thank him for helping. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Again, one way or another, Bokuto always gets what he wants in the end. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto’s giant smile returns. I could tell it was taking everything in him not to shout again, as we walked into the locker room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As we walked in and turned the corner to the lockers, Sakusa was folding the shirt that he walked over in, currently shirtless. He peaked over his shoulder and made direct eye contact with me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I audibly gasped. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>
      <strong>Holy fuck. </strong>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I grabbed whatever I could of Bokuto’s shirt and pulled him to the other side of the lockers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My chest felt as if it was tying itself into a knot. It also felt like I had just finished a marathon, I am pretty sure I started sweating and everything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, that must have been <em>some</em> conversation, Tsumu.” Bokuto whispered to me, chuckling quietly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It was not like that, asshole.” I manage out, pushing him away. He turns around, still laughing, to check something in his locker. I try to regulate my breathing again. I am failing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The image of Sakusa’s broad shoulders and thin waist felt branded into my mind. His muscles flexed and contracted at every small movement he made, perfectly complimenting him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Surely</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>, it is illegal to look like that. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How the </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>fuck</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> am I supposed to get anything done after that? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh!!” Bokuto yells again, this time staring at his phone, which he grabbed from his locker.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His face is all lit up. Is he blushing?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have an amazing idea!!” He turns to me. “Omi-Omi, this is for you too! Come here! Oh, when you have a shirt on preferably, before Tsumu passes out!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I could kill him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I really could, I have the opportunity. I might go to jail for a bit, but honestly, it might be worth it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I hear Sakusa sigh from the other side of the lockers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, your voice travels in here, Bokuto-san, you really do not need to yell.” Sakusa says, calming, coming around the corner (with a shirt on, </span>
  <em>
    <span>thank god</span>
  </em>
  <span>). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Akaashi just told me he is visiting this weekend. Let’s go out on Friday! We can go right after practice, and I am not hearing any of your excuses!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, okay, sounds like it won’t be completely horrible. Are you going to tell Shoyo as well?” Sakusa responds after a moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, nope! He would feel a little awkward, dontcha think?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Why would he feel awkward?” I instinctively remark. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s a double date, dummy! Without a date he would be a fifth wheel!” Bokuto nonchalantly responds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What!?” I exclaim. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There goes all of the breath control I was doing. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My heart rate skyrockets. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A double date!? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I have not even had a single date with Sakusa!? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Aren’t double dates like for </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>couples</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> couples!? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We aren’t like that! </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Are we!? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, I am spiraling again.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I need to get this under control, and fast. If it don't..</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>it</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> will come. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Think. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Think, Atsumu! </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, makes sense. Friday sounds good, then.” Sakusa calmly responds, placing his hand gently on my lower back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His hand snapped me back into reality. My heart was still pounding like crazy, but I didn’t feel as I was still losing control. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>What insane influence does this man have on me? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All it took was a touch to bring me back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I nearly had to fight back tears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto looked at the two of us for a second and then must have gotten the idea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, okay, see you guys out there!” He said with a smile, turning around and leaving the locker room.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa steps in front of me, to look at me in my face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, these locker rooms must be terrible for your mental state.” He smiles softly at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t even think of a response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t want to, we can always tell him later, it is no big deal.” He says, with kind eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No! That’s not it...I’m sorry. I’m just new to all of this and freaked out for a second. It won’t happen again.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Why are you apologizing like you did something wrong? You don’t have to apologize to me for that. As a matter of fact, I don’t want to hear it. If you want to go on Friday, I am sure we will have fun. If it ever feels too much, just squeeze, and I will know.” Sakusa calmly says with a sincere and genuine tone, grabbing my hand and squeezing it lightly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel a weight lift off my shoulders, that I didn't even know was there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I exhale. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All I need to do is squeeze?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, just squeeze, I will know.” Sakusa confirms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>*baddum* </strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My beating heart doesn't scare me right now...</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I really feel like the <em>luckiest</em> man alive right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 14**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. The Date, Part I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, happy Saturday everyone! I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!! I hope you enjoy this chapter, I know it is set up a little different from the previous chapters, but I wanted to cover a couple different moments, so this just made the most sense. </p><p>I hope everyone enjoys!! I am very excited for some upcoming events and I genuinely hope you guys are as well. As always, thank you so much for the support thus far and please continue to feel free to leave and thoughts and comments below. My messages are also always open!! </p><p>Side note, thank you so much for 2,000 hits!!! It might not be a large number to some people, but I truly am insanely grateful for it. Special shoutout to @sakusatan on Twitter who mentioned that she enjoys the story when I posed about it earlier today. Thank you for the support and I hope you like this chapter as well!!! </p><p>**Please note, this chapter contains strong language and a short scene that may be inappropriate for younger readers**</p><p>Anyway, I will shut up now, enjoy the chapter!! &lt;3 </p><p>Next Chapter: May 16th :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 15</b>
  </span>
</h2><p>
  <span>I spent the rest of the practice on cloud nine. I truly don’t think that anything could tear down my mood. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even Bokuto and his taunts did not phase me in the slightest. Practice flew by. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s crazy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How could something so small change my mood for the whole day? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I just felt so….safe. It was comforting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We wrapped up practice, washed up, and were huddling around after changing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, do you guys have any plans for tonight?” Hinata asked, with bright eyes and still full of energy, despite having practiced the entire day. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm, I’m pretty tired, I think I might head home and call it an early night today. After all, we do have the practice game tomorrow and I gotta make sure I’m in tip-top shape.” I am the first to respond. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tired?! But it is still so early, how are you tired already!?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not everyone has endless energy, Shoyo.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, fine” Hinata pouts and turns to Sakusa and Bokuto, “How about you two? Wanna grab something for dinner?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Boktuo quickly eyes up Sakusa and I, up and down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I need to head home too. I moved into a new apartment yesterday and still have to clean a lot of it.” Sakusa answered before Boktuo could say anything. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Smooth, as always, Sakusa Kiyoomi. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guess, it’s just you and me, Hinata!” Boktuo laughs, drapes his arm around Hinata, and drags him in the opposite direction, “See you two tomorrow! Make sure to get plenty of rest!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I roll my eyes, it seems to be my typical reaction whenever Bokuto speaks latelyy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shall we?” Sakusa asks, walking ahead of me again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>*baddum* </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span> I have almost grown used to these sudden pangs in my heart. They used to terrify me, but I find them exciting now. I still get nervous, but in a good way now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We walk together again, talking and poking fun at each other like we were childhood friends. If I told someone that we barely spoke a couple of days ago, there is no way they would believe me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My heart feels so full and happy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We make our way into the building and up the elevator, and out to our respective apartments. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm. I had fun today.” Sakusa smiles softly, as we stop in front of our doors. He pulls down his facemask so I can see his smile for all of its glory.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me too, practice was a different kind of enjoyable today.” I laugh softly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll see you tomorrow? 7:45?” He asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll beat you tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, we shall see.” He sneers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Fuck it. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t help myself. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I quickly whip me head back and forth to make sure there was no one in the hallway. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I grab Sakusa’s jacket and pull it down towards me, and press my lips onto his. I press my tongue into his mouth, for just a second. He responds by doing the same to me, pressing further into the kiss. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel myself melting into the kiss. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I close my eyes and get lost in the moment, I feel his arm wrap around to my head. Using his palm, he pushes my head further into him, breathing in as he applies pressure. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I may have started this, but he is most definitely finishing it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel his lips widen as he smiles. I open my eyes to see him blushing looking down at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, Sakusa blushing has losing my mind. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good effort.” he whispers, “Goodnight, Atsumu.” he says as he turns around and walks into his apartment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I exhale, as I stand in the hallway, frozen in place. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It takes me a few moments before I can force myself inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel a million butterflies fluttering about the rest of the night, I go through the motions and fall asleep the second my head hits the pillow. </span>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rest of the week follows the same trend, Sakusa and I meet in the morning (I have yet to beat him waiting in the hall first, but I will get him one of these days), he gives me a kiss good morning, we walk together laughing and flirting the entire way to the gym, we taunt, tease, and mess with each the entire day, doing our best to dodge Bokuto and his comments. Then we walk home together, and kiss each other good night before going our separate ways. I have been too nervous to invite him in for dinner, I figured if he really wanted to he would ask. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tends to lead most of the time. Sometimes, I try to surprise him, but he will do something to one-up me and I will lose miserably. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before I know it, practice is wrapping up on Friday. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Today is the day. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My date with Sakusa. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Double date or otherwise, I am nervous as hell. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We agreed that we would wash up here at the gym and then the three of us would meet Akaashi at the restaurant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second practice lets out, I see Sakusa scurrying over to the locker rooms. Whenever we wash up here, he likes to rush over before “everyone contaminates the showers with their germs” in Sakusa’s words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto has been in a better mood than usual, which is already a good mood, since he found out that Akaashi was visiting. Since he told me, I really don’t know how I missed it before. I constantly catch him smiling at his phone like a bubbly idiot, and when Hinata asked how Akaashi was doing earlier this week, Bokuto didn’t shut up for what felt like hours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s honestly pretty cute. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I find myself hoping I could be like that one day…   </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you excited Tsumu-Tsumu!?” Bokuto rushes up to see me, “Today was a good day to do it, Hinata is heading home for the weekend, so it works out perfectly!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, that’s good, I didn’t want him feeling left out. You haven’t told him about you and Akaashi yet?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nope, not yet. I am not hiding it or anything, it just hasn’t really come up, ya know! All the little one wants to talk about is volleyball. So he tends not to ask too many personal questions. Oh well, it works out for now...so, stop dodging my questions, are you excited!? You and Omi-kun have been all over each other the entire week. I have an eye for these things you know!!” Bokuto monologues. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I chuckled nervously. I really hope no one else has noticed. I mean,</span>
  <b>
    <em> I</em>
  </b>
  <span> am not really sure what Sakusa and I are, so I definitely do not want anyone to make crazy assumptions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I think I am more nervous than anything else.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean ‘Why?’ we haven’t done anything like this before...to be honest I have never really gone on a date like this before either. I don’t even know what to do” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto laughs in response and grabs my shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are overthinking again Tsumu, it is almost the same as when the team goes out to dinner. We are going to laugh, drink, share a couple stories and call it a night. Don’t worry, I wouldn’t ask ya to do anything I didn’t think you could handle!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, thanks, but hey that reminds me...why did you help us out? Like Sakusa and I?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why? Well...maybe because you looked desperate?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What!?” I get embarrassed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto laughs again, a little louder this time. “Well, it’s true! Both of you looked so independently frustrated, and neither one of you seemed to understand why. Remember, Tsumu, I went through something similar. I felt it to be my duty as your senpai to help guide the two of you in the right direction. I did not do anything else ---that was all you! Plus, I was not sure of your feelings, it was just a hunch. I just gave you a little push and a tiny hint.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He smiles from ear to ear as he finishes. His words say one thing, but he is beaming with pride as if he personally pressed our faces together. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Tsumu, let’s go wash up!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, sure.” I follow Bokuto to the locker room. I feel my heartbeat’s pace pick up every step I take, I hope Sakusa is all done getting ready. If i walk into him shirtless again, I am not sure what I am going to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As the two of us walk into the locker room, my head unconsciously zips around, looking for Sakusa, but I can’t find him anywhere. I figured that Bokuto would make a million jokes if I ask where he is, so I decided to ignore it and just stay on guard. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have gotten into a habit of putting my stuff in the locker next to Sakusa’s. As I open my locker to get my stuff to wash up, I can smell the lingering scent of Sakusa cologne. I feel the butterflies flutter in my stomach. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh, where is he? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now I find myself </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>wanting</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> to see him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My god, how whipped am I? Just the smell of his cologne has me going stir crazy. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I look around again to no avail. I come to the conclusion that he must have stepped out somewhere and I would look like a psychopath if I went around looking for him. I decide to hurry up and get ready. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It does not take me very long to get ready, after a quick shower (complete with washing my face and everything), I just get dressed and fix up my hair. My hair is a lot easier to style now that it is shorter. I tinker with it for a couple minutes and decide that is as good as it is going to get. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As I stare at myself in the mirror, I try to psych myself up. I spend a majority of my day with Sakusa. He has consumed my daily commutes, this is no different. I check my phone quick, I see a few missing texts from Samu. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmm, come to think of it, I really haven’t spoken to him at all this week. Then again, it has been a bit of a crazy week. I think I’ll go over to his house tomorrow. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, hey, hey, lookin’ good, Tsumu!” Bokuto peers his head from around the corner, all dressed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto has an….interesting fashion sense (to say the least), but it somehow works for him. A patterned button down island shirt, tighter pants, and sneakers. His hair doesn’t seem to have nearly as much product in it, so some of it frames his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I absolutely hate to admit….</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But he looks </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>good</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I guess he can clean up when he wants to. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right back at you, Bo-kun.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you seen Omi yet?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not sense he went to wash up.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ahhhh, that explains it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Explains, what?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why you’re still holding it together.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nevermind, come on, you ass is going to make us late! Akasshi is always early, he is going to get there any second now!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay, I am done, let’s go.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I collect my things and once again find myself following Bokuto. I noticed that Sakusa’s locker was open, so he is probably waiting outside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We have to go out the back, coach already locked the front of the gym.” Bokuto says, not even bother to look back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ahh, okay, sure.” I don’t even have the energy to think of something snarky to respond, I am still so nervous. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if I say something wrong? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if Sakusa feels uncomfortable? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if he wants nothing to do with me after tonight? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Omi-omi!” Bokuto’s voice snaps me back into reality. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I snap my head in the direction that Bokuto is looking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Fuck</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Oh my god. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Fucking hell. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa is standing, hands in his pockets. He is wearing a snug black turtleneck, dark grey fitted pants, and black shoes. Over his sweater is a navy long coat. He has slick the left side of his hair back more than usual, to show off his birthmarks. The curls on the ride side of his face seem perfectly placed to drape around his eye. He makes eye contact with me and smiles with an accompanying blush. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How fucking <strong>dare</strong> he? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This asshole knows <strong>exactly</strong> what the <strong>fuck</strong> he is doing. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I cannot even think of anything to stay. I basically freeze in my tracks (once again). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Bokuto steps out of the way and waves his forearm in front of his torso, as to present me to Sakusa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Once again, I could really take him down. Right here, right now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Too bad for me that I quite literally cannot move. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa walks over to me, and without skipping a beat wraps his arm right above my waist and presses a kiss onto my forehead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Without saying a word, my nerves are immediately comforted. For just a second, it was me and Sakusa. Not a single other person in the world mattered, at that moment. I give into my desires and take a breath of Sakusa’s cologne in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hell yeah!” Boktuo beams from right in front of us, ending my precious moment. “Come on, it’s not fair, I gotta go see my man!” He says basically skipping ahead of the two of us. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I roll my eyes once again. I hear Sakusa quietly snort as he moves his arm away from my waist and interlaces our fingers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just squeeze, remember?” He leans over and whispers in my ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I nod in confirmation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hand in hand we follow Bokuto to the restaurant. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The restaurant is not very far from the gym and it does not take us long to get there. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As we get close, I feel multiple texts coming through to my phone. I peak quickly, multiple texts from Samu, and a couple missed calls. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Hmm, I wonder if everything is okay? He doesn’t normally call this much, back-to-back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I decide that I will say hello to Akaashi, get settled into our seats, and then give Samu a call, just to make sure everything is alright. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was obvious the second that Bokuto caught a glimpse of Akaashi. His eyes lit up like a child at Disney world and he was off, quietly scurrying around until he had managed to sneak up right behind him (without Akaashi noticing). I could tell that Bokuto was contemplating a couple different actions, but ultimately covered Akaashi’s eyes, turned his face, and kissed him. Right there, out in the open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just looking at them made me bashful. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bokuto-san!” Akaashi exclaimed, through genuine laughs. Bokuto lifted his hands and the two embraced. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I could feel the love they had for each, it was <em>infectious</em>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a moment, the two separated. Bokuto turned to Sakusa and I, who now merely stood side by side (although Sakusa takes the lead, he gets anxious in public places so he has backed off, quite a bit). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Babe, this is Miya Atsumu, and Sakusa Kiyoomi.” Pointing at us, respectively, “but you can call them Tsumu-Tsumu and Omi-Omi.” Bokuto finished, flashing a giant smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It is a pleasure to see you again, Miya-San, Sakusa-San.” Akaashi responded, bowing respectfully. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t help but laugh a little, Akaashi is not even phased by Bokuto’s nonsense anymore. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nice to see you too Akaashi-san!” I smiled, I felt slightly more at ease. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, same here.” Sakusa mumbled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It is crazy to see how much his personality differs when he is uncomfortable. I wish there was something that I could do to make him feel at ease. He is always so good at comforting me, earlier he didn’t even need to say anything. I could tell he feels awkward but I have no idea what to do. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel my phone vibrating once again, I glance quickly to see it’s Samu again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I really gotta call him back. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should get inside, or we might miss our reservation.” Akaashi says with a warm smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We nod and follow him inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I ignore the continuous vibrations from my back pocket. At this point I know Samu needs something. I will call him in a minute, I just want to find out where we will be sitting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right this way, gentlemen.” The hostess smiles at us and walks ahead, indicating that we should follow her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The restaurant is pretty crowded, so we all follow in a line. Bokuto, Akaashi, Me, and then Sakusa. I feel like I should switch places with Sakusa to make sure no one bumps into to, but there just isn’t enough room to do so. I continuously keep looking back to see check on Sakusa, who seems to be hyperaware of anyone that gets too close to him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ugh. This really isn’t a great spot for him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Maybe we should go home? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tsumu? Is that you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Huh? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I pause and whip my head around to see Samu, with the phone in his ear, sitting at a table with Kita, Suna, and Aran, who immediately freeze and stare at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa, who ironically was too focused on everything else around him and wasn’t paying attention to me, bumps into me. Bokuto and Akaashi both halt and turn around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>
      <strong>Oh, fuck me. </strong>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p>
<h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 15**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. The Date, Part II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! I am not going to lie, this was a tough chapter to write. Personally, it hit close to home, I always find these kinds of situations hard to put into words, I really hope I was able to verbalize the situation properly. It is kinda crazy how I could sit down with one idea for the chapter and by the time I have finished writing it has turned into something completely different. Maybe it is a bad habit of mine? </p><p>Anyway, I do hope that everyone enjoys this chapter. I am insanely grateful for all the support of the story thus far and I hope that people continue to read and enjoy the story as it unfolds. I am having a lot more fun than I thought I was going to writing the story (I originally planned for the story to only be ~10 chapters...whoops LOL). </p><p>As always, please feel free to share your thoughts and opinions in the comments or messages!! I always love to read them and I get some pretty great ideas, so thanks for that LOL!! </p><p>**Please note: this chapter contains strong language and descriptions of panic attacks. If you are are sensitive to / are triggered in anyway by panic attacks, please feel free to message me. I would be happy to send a simplified version of this chapter that will allow you to follow along with the story, without the level of detail** </p><p>Next chapter: May 19th (this next chapter is going to be a fun one!) </p><p>Thank you once again!!! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 16</b>
  </span>
</h2><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Shit. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Samu texted me about this earlier this week. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey. Tried calling. You must be sleeping. (loser). Are you busy this weekend? Suna said Aran might be visiting and wanted to see us. Let’s have dinner on Friday. I’ll make reservations.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With everything going on I completely forgot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How am I supposed to explain this?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why haven’t you been answering your phone, dumbass? I was starting to get worried.” Samu says looking around at Bokuto, Akaashi, and Sakusa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel my throat closing in again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He is going to know. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What if he is not okay with it? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>What if Samu hates me as a result? </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My lungs are running out of air, only seconds have passed, but it feels as if I have been holding my breath for minutes. I feel beads of sweat forming on my face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t even think straight, forget about responding to Samu right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Should I run? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I look at the rest of my former team members sitting at the table. They have all looked around me and noted that I obviously did not come to meet them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have gotten to the last moments of air in my lungs. I do not know how much longer I am going to be able to hold out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You should have just told us you were bringing some friends, Atsumu. We would have asked for a larger table.” Kita says, with a warm smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry for barging in!” Bokuto responds, within seconds “Akaashi is in town for the weekend so I wanted him to spend as much time with everyone as possible!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, I understand. The restaurant is pretty crowded tonight, so I doubt they would be able to accommodate the adjustment. How about we just catch up later, Atsumu?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of Samu. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He knows. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>He is disgusted. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The pit at the bottom of my stomach has morphed into a black hole, sucking everything inside and destroying it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I am terrified to move. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The smallest movement and I am positive I would break. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It is taking everything in me to fight back tears. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My brain is about to short circuit. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I only know one thing at this moment. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>All I want to do…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Is squeeze Sakusa’s hand. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He swore to me….he promised that he would help if I just squeeze. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How will he know how bad it is? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I have to let him know. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He has been so good to be. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I do not want to disappoint him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I can’t. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Not with my brother looking at me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I come to realize, I am truly a coward. I feel more defeated in this moment than I have in a very long time. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I feel myself losing my battle against my tears. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We should probably get out of the hall, I am sure there are people that will try to pass through. Excuse us, please.” Akaashi, formally and politely notifies the table. “Miya-san, Sakusa-san, let’s go.” his tone shifts slightly more stern. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” Samu says, pressing his palms on the table to lift himself. “I need to borrow him. Atsumu. Outside. Now.” He says, without stopping to let anyone interrupt. He begins walking in the direction of the exit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I want to run. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I want to run and run until I physically can’t. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But, I am a coward. Down to the bone. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Atsumu.” Samu turns around and says over his shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I try to turn and meet his gaze and wind up looking at Sakusa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His brows are furrowed, and his shoulders are hunched, making him look shorter and thinner than he really is. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I hate myself for doing this to him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>He probably hates me too. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He is probably living his worst nightmare, in a crowded, loud restaurant… </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>All because of me. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He has exposed himself to scrutiny and embarrassment… </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>All because of me. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>… </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You know what? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>It is probably better this way. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t know what I was doing with Sakusa anyways. He deserves someone who makes him comfortable. Not someone who he has to babysit and watch out for. Not someone who can’t get through a situation without physically breaking down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How could I ever be there for him? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He is struggling right in front of my eyes and all I am concerned about is my problems. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe Samu is doing me a favor here. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I forcefully fill my lungs with air. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It hurts so badly. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I am doing this. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I take one look at Sakusa with a loving glance and decide that is the final time I will look at him like that. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I really do love him. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>No. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>I really <strong>did</strong> love him. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once my moment is over, I follow Samu out of the restaurant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to explain why you have been ignoring me?” Samu says, once we are a safe distance away the hustle and bustle of the restaurant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>The last thing I want to do right now is have this conversation. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I want to crawl up into a ball and stop thinking. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Atsumu.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I can’t even look at him. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Atsumu?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sounds angry, and he might even know. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I give up. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>I can’t do this. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I look directly at Samu. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I stop holding back the tears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel them sliding down my face immediately. My eyes must have already been on the brink of overflowing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait. Tsumu? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What’s going on?” Samu grabs me and pulls me into a hug. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you crying? What is going on?” He asks, all while still holding me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to answer. Come on, we are leaving. You’ll stay at my place tonight.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. Kita, Suna, Aran.” I spit out. It tastes sour coming out of my south. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“They’ll understand. Don’t pull your bullshit with me,  we are leaving. I just have to go tell them we are leaving, okay? I will be right back. Stay right here. Atsumu?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I look up to meet his gaze. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you move, I’ll fuck you up. Right here.” He says pointing and the ground. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I lightly nod, and Samu turns around and walks back into the restaurant. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My chest still feels as if it is about to collapse on itself. Since I started crying, I can’t stop. Not right now. I lean against the wall and crouch down to muffle the sounds. If someone hears me and approaches me, I just might lose it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Miya-san?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I instantly dart my gaze up, out of breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akaashi crouches down to meet me at eye level. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Does that mean that Bokuto and Sakusa are around here? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t let them see me like this. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told them I had to go to the bathroom.” He responds, as if he was reading my mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” I mutter, sadly attempting to hold back what sobs I can. Every word feels like someone is wringing out my insides. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“There is nothing to be sorry for.” Akaashi smiles, “Sure, it is somewhat of an awkward situation, but trust me, I have been on worse dates with Bokuto.” He laughs a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I could tell he is doing his best not to patronize me, but at my current state, anyone speaking to me is doing so out of pity. There is no other explanation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Osamu will be out soon.” I warn. Samu has a bit of a temper, he still doesn’t know why I am like this and might get the wrong idea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You just warn me when you see him walking out, I am good at being sneaky when I need to be. Anyway, how long?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I furrow my brow in confusion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long have you gotten the attacks?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I still do not know what he is talking about, my confusion must have been obvious as Akaashi continues speaking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When you feel like you can’t breathe? When this feeling of inescapable panic sets in and you feel like you are losing your mind?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How the fuck does Akaashi know about </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>‘it’</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He sighs. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did Bokuto tell you I am an editor for a weekly shonen manga? It is an extremely high stress career, with little to no breaks. Unfortunately, I see many of the people I work with suffer from similar attacks. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, that might sound strange, especially since we do not particularly know each other, but I think it is important that you hear that aloud.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“H-h-how?” It is all I can manage. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Like I said, I have seen it before. I know what they look like, it is a part of my job to know what to look for and how to deal with them. If--” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I see Samu exiting the restaurant in the distance.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Osamu.” I state, firmly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Akaashi immediately stands up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you ever need someone to talk to, about this or something else, here.” He hands me a piece of paper with a phone number on it. “Anything you want me to tell Sakusa-san?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Just the mention of his name fills my eyes with tears and knots my heart. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, I got it. Okay, then. Take care of yourself, Miya-san. I hope to hear from you soon.” Akaashi says walking in the opposite direction of Samu, who is approaching me. I didn't even have the chance to ask Akaashi what ‘he got’. I hope he understood. It would be easier if he told Sakusa, so a coward like me did not have to. Samu approached me, he didn’t even notice that it was Akaashi or that he was talking to me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Tsumu.” Samu says with a smile as he gets in front of me, holding his hand out. All of the anger and frustration that he was emanating just a couple of minutes has all but vanished. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I take his hand. He pulls me until I am standing tall again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, maybe I’ll make you some onigiri, I might even have some chūtoro. You’re the only asshole I know who would make his own brother work on his night off.” He smiles, smacking my back to direct me to keep walking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, maybe this is better. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>After all, it has always been me and Osamu. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why should that change? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>In the end, </span>
  <span class="u">
    <strong><em>I was lucky to have him</em>… </strong>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Even if it was for the short time he was mine. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel a final tear roll down my cheek as I truly accept it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It has to be better this way… </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Goodbye, Sakusa Kiyoomi.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 16**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Wine and Dine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!! I hope everyone is doing well :) Today's chapter is a bit of "side-story"!! I thought it might be fun to see part of the situation unfold from a 3rd party POV so I decided to do a chapter of good 'ol Bokuaka :) I really love this ship and the characters, so I must admit that I did have a lot of fun writing it (hence why I am posting the chapter at 11:00 PM on a work night :') ) </p><p>ANYWAY, as always, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the support and kind words for the story thus far. Please feel free to comment or message and thoughts, questions, or suggestions, I love to hear them!! </p><p>**Please note, this chapter contains strong language and mildly explicit sexual content** </p><p>I hope you enjoy!!! &lt;3 </p><p>Next Chapter: May 21st :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u"> <b>Chapter 17</b> </span>
</h2><p>
  <span class="u"> <em> **Akaashi Keiji’s POV** </em> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>“Ah, I got it. Okay, then. Take care of yourself, Miya-san. I hope to hear from you soon.”</em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>Even my heart hurt at my words. I could see the pain in Atsumu’s eyes. It was as if he was screaming at the top of his lungs for help, and all I could was scurry away. I quickly pace myself in the opposite direction of the restaurant, hoping that Osamu did not notice me speaking to Atsumu. </p><p> </p><p>It would be problematic and ultimately help nobody if Osamu and I were to get into an argument. Based on Atsumu’s reaction to seeing his brother, Osamu probably has no idea about Atsumu’s feelings for Sakusa. </p><p> </p><p>I smile to myself remembering the time when Bokuto confessed his feelings for me. He was a complete mess, he assumed that I was going to reject him and think he was a freak. Little did that freak know that I had feelings for him long before. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> All things considered, we had it easy.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Mutual confession.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Our parents figured out we had feelings for each other already, so our ‘coming out’ was full of smiles, support, and congratulations.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> We have always been on the same page on when we could be public/affectionate, and when it would be best to tone it down. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I know so many other people’s stories are much sadder and hardship-ridden.   </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> We truly are insanely <strong>lucky</strong>.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong> <em>I am so lucky to have him. </em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Am I a terrible person? Atsumu’s breakdown reminds me of how fortunate I am, especially in my relationship.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I cross the street to walk back to the restaurant. I was in such a rush to put some distance between me and Atsumu I did not even bother to keep an eye on the direction that they were headed...I really hope that I don’t run into them. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> God this sucks.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I will have to explain to Sakusa why Atsumu left without saying a word. Based on the look Atsumu gave me, he probably intends to end things with Sakusa. Should I pass that message along? Atsumu is in a terrible position right now, I am sure his brain is running in a million different directions, maybe he doesn’t know what he wants? </p><p> </p><p>Is that my decision to make though? Probably not, I am no one to decide when his feelings are valid. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ugh, this really is shit.   </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Bokuto told me that the two of them looked like lovesick puppies the entire week, constantly catching glances of one another, while the other was laser focused practicing. It will probably hurt Sakusa, but it is not my place to explain the situation. It is a bad position to be in, to say the least. </p><p> </p><p>As I get to the restaurant, I see Bokuto and Sakusa standing outside. Sakusa has distanced himself from the loitering crowd outside, brows furrowed and hands in his pocket. </p><p> </p><p>I quickly jog across the street to meet them. </p><p> </p><p>“So, the bathroom huh? I didn’t realize they made you run a mile to use it, babe.” Bokuto taunts, as I finally get into earshot. </p><p> </p><p>“Shut up.” I tease back, shoving his shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>“Are you okay, Sakusa-san? Do you want to head home?” I ask, facing Sakusa, but maintaining and respecting the distance he created for himself. </p><p> </p><p>Sakusa shakes his head, “I’ll wait for Atsumu, we’ll go home together.” I see the fabric around his pockets shuffling. </p><p> </p><p>He is so nervous that he is fiddling with his hands. I have seen him play in enough games to know that it is a habit that doesn’t surface often. Only in very high-strung situations, and he always hides it...or always tries to. </p><p> </p><p>“Actually, that’s why I ran off for a second. Atsumu-san wasn’t feeling very fell, so Osamu-san was taking him home.” </p><p> </p><p>“What? He left?” </p><p> </p><p>“Yes, he asked me to send his apologies, but he had to.” </p><p> </p><p>“He had to? Without saying anything? Honestly, what the hell did Osamu say to him?” Sakusa’s tone intensifies. He shifts to stand straight, showcasing his impressive height and build. He even removed his hands from his pockets. In all honesty, he is very intimidating like this. </p><p> </p><p>“Whoa there, tiger” Bokuto interjects, “Osamu is his brother, he is not going to do anything to hurt Tsumu. We don’t know what happened, so let’s just head home for tonight. Do you wanna stay at my place tonight?” </p><p> </p><p>“You could not have actually thought, for even a fraction of a second, that I would ever say yes, could you have?” Sakusa looks at Bokuto with eyes of pure disgust, I can’t help but let out a small laugh. </p><p> </p><p>“Awww, come on Omi! We can have a movie night, the three of us! I am pretty sure I have popcorn we can share and everything!!” </p><p> </p><p>“Repulsive. I am leaving, Bokuto. Nice seeing you, Akaashi-san, enjoy your visit.” Sakusa says with a bow and turns around. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, come on Omi! Let us walk you home, at least!” Bokuto calls out.</p><p> </p><p>Sakusa just throws up a peace sign and keeps walking away. </p><p> </p><p>“One of these days I will tame Sakusa Kiyoomi, just you wait and see.” Bokuto grunts out. </p><p> </p><p>I smile, remembering how madly in love I am. People often take Bokuto’s actions as shallow and simple, but the truth of the matter is that Bokuto is insanely observant. He cares deeply about people and is wildly good at knowing exactly what to say to snap them out of a mood. Probably from his emo mode days. </p><p> </p><p>I smile again and laugh lowly. </p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, who has you giggling like that?” Bokuto says using his arm to pull me closer to him. </p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, I guess if you want to get technical, it started with Atsumu?” </p><p> </p><p>“I am not afraid of fighting a crying man, Keiji.” </p><p> </p><p>I burst out in laughter, just the idea of Bokuto getting angry enough to hit anything nearly makes me bust a gut. Forget about that fact that he couldn’t hurt a fly, and that he legitimately wants to see Atsumu happy. </p><p> </p><p>“Well someone is feeling awfully bubbly tonight, and we didn’t even really have our date. I haven’t even gotten a chance to wine and dine you.” </p><p> </p><p>“Anytime I am with you is a date, Kou.” I smile as I watch Bokuto’s pale face flush a wave of bright pink. “Also, you don’t need to wine and dine me, I have told you this a million times.” </p><p> </p><p>I see a smirk form on the corners of his lips, “Mhmm, sure I don’t <em>need</em> to, but how else am I supposed to seduce you?” Bokuto whispers in his raspy voice directly into my ear. </p><p> </p><p><em>Great</em>, now my snarky smile was replaced with a blush of embarrassment of my own. </p><p> </p><p>Bokuto winks at me before throwing his arm around and directing me to start walking. </p><p> </p><p>“Hmm? Koutarou, where are we going?” I ask, partially nuzzling my head into his arm. It makes it easier to smell his cologne, which has become my favorite scent. Every time I visit, I wind up drowning a blanket in it and taking it back home with me. When I can’t smell the cologne anymore, that is when I know it is time to visit again. </p><p> </p><p>“I still have to wine and dine you, Keiji. I just think I am going to do it at home.” Bokuto says, confidently. </p><p> </p><p>“Home? Why?” </p><p> </p><p>“Just removing unnecessary stops. After all it’s a pretty short trip from the kitchen to the bedroom, so I think I can make it work.” He smirks again, this time kissing the top of my head to seal the deal. </p><p> </p><p>I am so flustered that I cannot even think of a comeback, not that I necessarily want to. I like it when Bokuto wins, it always puts him in a good mood and truth be told, happy Bokuto = happy Akaashi. </p><p> </p><p>“Soo, what did happen with Tsumu? You've never been a very good liar.” Bokuto asks, all while still directing me. </p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, I didn’t lie. Not exactly, anyway. Atsumu-san really was not feeling well and his brother really did take him home.” </p><p> </p><p>“Mhmm, sure, and?” </p><p> </p><p>“And?” </p><p> </p><p>“Well, what parts are you skipping? That’s definitely not the whole story.” </p><p> </p><p>“Kou. You saw Atsumu-san’s face, he began sweating and hyperventilating the second he processed that he ran into his brother and some old friends. Did that seem like a fun and cool reaction to you?” </p><p> </p><p>“Of course, not. I figured he was just very embarrassed. I told you he was super nervous about the date. Running into them, especially his brother probably just stressed him out, but I still don’t get why he had to leave and let Sakusa all high and dry like that. I didn’t say anything so I didn’t rub salt in Sakusa’s wound, but I am sure he was hurt by it. Sakusa really likes Tsumu.” </p><p> </p><p>“You’re wrong.” </p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” </p><p> </p><p>“Atsumu-san did not get ‘embarrassed’ that is not what that reaction is.” I firmly state, separating myself from Bokuto to get my point across clearly, “As his teammate it is important that you know the signs, Kou. Atsumu-san was having a small panic attack. Fortunately it does not seem too serve, but that does not mean that it is harmless. To Atsumu-san, when he gets these ‘attacks’ everything around him changes. The bright, bubbly, funny 'Atsumu' is someone completely foreign to him in that state. By the look of his reaction, that was probably the first time that Osamu-san has ever seen Atsumu-san in that state.” </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, I see, I didn’t know. I have never noticed anything like that before.” Bokuto responds, slightly dejected, almost as if he feels guilty that he did not notice. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, I do not know how often, or how severe he gets them, but Atsumu-san likely tries very hard to hide attacks.” </p><p> </p><p>“Why now, though? I thought panic attacks were something that happens after a traumatic situation?” </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, panic attacks are triggered differently for different people. I am not sure what exactly it was, but it would probably be a good idea to call and check up on both Sakusa-san and Atsumu-san tomorrow. I hope they are able to work through this.” </p><p> </p><p>“Tsumu and Omi? Don’t worry about that, babe. You might know the brain shit, but I know them. Those two can’t give up on something they want even if they tried, and they definitely want each other. You should know, playing little matchmaker from across the county.” Bokuto beams, while grabbing my hand, this time, to lead me around.</p><p> </p><p>“I did not play matchmaker, you told me you had a hunch and I simply said that you should make a suggestion and see what happens. I never thought you would pressure them into dating within a week.” I squeeze his hand a little tighter. His hand is rough, but warm. It is another thing that means so much more to me now than it used to. </p><p> </p><p>“Pressure!?” Bokuto yells </p><p> </p><p>“Kou, shhh, you’re yelling” I whisper </p><p> </p><p>“I literally asked what they thought of one another and then told them about us and BAM! Instant lovers!” </p><p> </p><p>“Bokuto-san, please, you’re being so loud.” </p><p> </p><p>“Who the hell is ‘Bokuto’? Are you talking to my dad? After all, It’s not my fault our love story is so eroitc and inspiring!” Bokuto yells even louder this time. </p><p> </p><p>“Koutarou!” I snap back, grab his collar and yank him in for a kiss. At least he can’t yell in this position. </p><p> </p><p>“Hmm, that was nice, and a smart way to get me to shut up… but I still don’t know who ‘Bokuto-san’ is.”  </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, it was a force of habit.” I reach up and kiss him quickly again. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It slips out every now and then, but Bokuto made a rule when we started dating that when it is just the two of us, we are Keiji and Koutarou. We used ‘Akaashi’ and ‘Bokuto’ when we were just friends, so he decided that it didn’t seem fitting anymore.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I can’t say I can complain. I like being the only one who can call him so casually.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>We make our way back to Bokuto’s apartment. For someone as chaotic as he is, he keeps a tidy home, with only a few things out of place here and there. I will clean them up for him before I leave. </p><p> </p><p>“Gahh, I’m starving, do you wanna make something or order something?” Bokuto says while taking off his shoes and throwing his keys into a bowl. </p><p> </p><p>“Neither one of us can cook, so what do you think?” I bark back. </p><p> </p><p>“Well then, I guess I do have to feed you. You’re feeling a bit snappy. Hmm, onigiri sound good?” </p><p> </p><p>“You know me.” I smile back, “I am going to go wash up.” </p><p> </p><p>Bokuto smiles and he shuffles through a few menus. </p><p> </p><p>If you were to tell me a few years ago that I would be this in love with this man I probably would have called you psychotic. Yet, here we are. Even throughout my craziest dreams, he has supported me, endlessly. With a smile on his face, and most likely a perverted thought in his mind, he has always encouraged me to go after exactly what I wanted. I could honestly almost cry thinking about it. </p><p> </p><p>I finish washing up and throw on one of Bokuto’s shirts, I am not that much smaller than him but all of his clothes fit me loosely...and it smells just like him. I brought my own clothes, of course, I just know the reaction that this will get out of him...it is worth the embarrassment. </p><p> </p><p>I walk out of the bathroom with my book of choice for the evening, nonchalantly skip over and plop myself on the couch. Bokuto, who was too busy fiddling with his phone to appreciate my entrance glances up and the sound of me hitting the couch. </p><p> </p><p>He has changed into my favorite ‘Bokuto’...comfy Bokuto. Hair down, sweats, and a sweater (Bokuto's weakness #22: He is always complaining about being cold if he’s not moving). </p><p> </p><p>“Is that how you’re playing tonight?” I hear him growl under his breath. </p><p> </p><p>I refuse to give him the satisfaction of looking back, plus I would probably wind up breaking character and laughing. </p><p> </p><p>Next thing I hear is the phone hitting the kitchen counter and Bokuto’s footsteps quickly approaching. </p><p> </p><p>“Didja forget your clothes, Keiji?” He asks, bending over the couch so our faces are practically touching. </p><p> </p><p>“I forgot to bring a shirt and shorts to sleep in, so I just borrowed one of yours. You don’t mind, right?” I responded, all while pretending to read the words on some random page in my book. </p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that’s so cute.” </p><p> </p><p>“Me? Wow, thank you babe. I know I am pretty cute.” </p><p> </p><p>“Well, that too, but that’s not what I was talking about.” Boktuo sinisterly</p><p> </p><p>“Huh?” I questioned</p><p> </p><p>“I think it’s cute that you think you need to borrow one of my shirts to sleep in.” </p><p> </p><p>“Why? I have done it before.” </p><p> </p><p>“Well do you really need to borrow a shirt to sleep in if you won’t be sleeping...or wearing a shirt?” Bokuto finished off his question by grabbing me and tossing me over his shoulders like a sack of rice. “Just remember you did this to yourself.” Bokuto teases, carrying me into his bedroom, and throwing me on the bed. </p><p> </p><p>Bokuto does not even give me a second to breathe before his lips on mine, and his hand is creeping under my shirt. We have been together for so long that he already knows exactly where to go and what to do. A true professional. </p><p> </p><p>I feel myself melting in his hands as he moves, kiss-by-kiss, off my mouth, down to my neck and clavicle, where I am particularly sensitive. I let out a moan that I had been holding in and I can feel Bokuto smiling, his teeth becoming exposed against my skin. </p><p> </p><p>He carefully feels his way around until he knows it is an appropriate time to move on. His hand slowly traces its way down to my boxers (looking back on it now, I should have made him work for it a bit more by putting on shorts). His hand teases around the outside as I feel myself getting more and more excited.  </p><p> </p><p>Bokuto pushes the shirt I am wearing up, I take it as a signal to take it off. Panting, I go to remove the shirt but Bokuto stops me.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh-Uh” I feel Bokuto mumble into my skin “Nope, you wanted to wear it, now wear it.” He hisses, moving his mouth to my nipples, where he continues to relentlessly tease me. His hand slides into my boxers as he continues to tease and taunt me. </p><p> </p><p>I feel Bokuto getting excited through his sweatpants, which he is purposefully rubbing against my leg. </p><p> </p><p>In a desperate attempt to speed up the situation, I reach over and try to tease Bokuto in return. </p><p> </p><p>“Uh-Uh” I hear him mumble again, this time his mouth is placed right around my belly-button, and I am about to explode. </p><p> </p><p>I throw my head and arch my back in frustration. It’s starting to hurt, if Bokuto doesn’t do something about it soon I might just blow a fuse. </p><p> </p><p>I feel Bokuto’s sinister smile once again, this time directly on my pelvis. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Finally, here we go.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Then, Bokuto’s mouth starts to trail up. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What!?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>I feel the sweat beads falling down my face, as I attempt to process the situation. Bokuto eventually trails his way back up to my face, with a smile from ear to ear. </p><p> </p><p>“No sex on an empty stomach. I can’t perform my best, and you deserve nothing less than the best.” </p><p> </p><p>“Then what was that!?” I blurt out, between my pants.</p><p> </p><p>“That? Oh that was a punishment for purposefully trying to make me act up. I was trying to text Tsumu to find out if he’s okay, but then someone waltzed in looking like this and something needed to be done.” Bokuto kisses me one final time before getting up. “Come on, food should be here soon.” Bokuto’s voice trails off as he leaves the room. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ah, Atsumu-san. In all of this, I forgot that he is probably having a very hard conversation.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> While I forgot, Bokuto was trying to reach out.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>My heart warms and butterflies flutter in my stomach as I lay on Bokuto’s bed, thinking about what a caring and genuine person he is. </p><p> </p><p>I smile (blue balls and all) and the fact that he is mine, and I am his. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> <strong>I really am so lucky to have him.</strong> </em>
</p><p> </p><h6>
  <em> **End of Chapter 17** </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. My Happy Place</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello!! I hope everyone has had an enjoyable week :) This weekend holiday weekend in America, so I am very much looking forward to drowning myself in writing for the next couple of days....I hope you will bear with me :,) This chapter we are back to my baby boy Atsumu's POV. Just in case the timeline is not clear. Akaashi's chapter (last chapter) pretty much covered the rest of the night of the double dinner date. This chapter cover's the same period (just through Atsumu's POV). </p><p>As always, thank you so so so so so much for all the support you have given the story thus far. I really didn't think anyone would read it, so the fact that there are a few people that do really makes me happy. Please feel free to comment or message your thoughts and opinons --I do love reading them! I hope you enjoy this chapter of Lucky to Have You! &lt;3 </p><p>Next Chapter: May 25th :) **</p><p>**I am really sorry about pushing the new chapter back. Unfortunately, I’ve been super sick this weekend and hence I’ve been predominantly sleep or otherwise unable to write. I promise to make it up to you guys. Thank you so much for your support &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 18</b>
  </span>
</h2><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>
      <span>**Miya Atsumu’s POV** </span>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Samu and I traveled to his apartment in complete silence. My heart ached each and every minute in fear and anticipation that Samu would decide that enough time had passed to start interrogating me...but he never did. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even when we got to his apartment, there were no questions…Samu drew the bath for me and brought me clothes to change into, all while giving me reassuring smiles, and not uttering a word. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My tears had dried and my breathing had regulated...even the shaking stopped…. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But I did not feel any better. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wonder if Akaashi told Sakusa that I was done with whatever we were? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I never specifically told Akaashi, but I am pretty sure he understood, or at least I hoped he did. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>If given the opportunity, I would probably go back on my decision, for my own simple, selfish pleasure, but it is not fair to Sakusa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa was so good to me...I always knew, but I also don’t think I allowed myself to fully process it. Even from before we were anything, he quietly supported me from the sidelines. He saw the side of myself I am most insecure about and accepted it without a second thought. He managed to distract me and calm me down before I even knew it. He could make me smile or make me blush with just a look. He could give me goosebumps with just a whisper. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel my eyes watering once again, as I sit in frustration in the bathroom. I take deep breaths, letting the steam fill my lungs and calm me down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want to cry anymore. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I will have to talk with Samu. Whether that is now, or tomorrow, or in a week, I will need to talk to him. He has been supportive and patient, but I know him better than anyone, that will not last forever. He will not accept a half-assed answer...and he will know if I am lying or holding something back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What should I tell him? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>
      <span>“I fell for a dude I play volleyball with, but don’t worry, I am forcing myself to get over it?’</span>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span><strong>Fuck</strong>. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>In all of the madness I have somehow forgotten. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How will this affect the team dynamic? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Can I go back to how I acted before? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Of fucking corse not. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel my chest tighten at the thought of having to pretend like I am okay. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have done it for years now...during my darkest moments, hiding behind a smile until I am alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why is it so different now? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why does it feel like pretending is some insurmountable task?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>*knock knock* </strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey, are you okay?” I hear the worry in Samu’s voice. I must have really scared him back at the restaurant. I will have to apologize. I wish I had some sort of excuse, but I don’t...maybe he’ll understand after I explain the situation?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Either that or he’ll think you’re repulsive and you will lose the only constant in your life. The thought rings in my head and sends panic down my spine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tsumu?” I hear Samu knock again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am finishing up. I’ll be out in a second.” I swallow my cries as I force out the words. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I need to get a better handle on myself. I can’t speak to him if I am crying. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I think about the routine I use to calm myself if ‘it’ used to show up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ten deep breaths and then count the three. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t even get through one deep breath without thinking about the situation I find myself in. Once the thought enters my brain, I feel the panic follow soon after.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I need to calm down, but my routine isn’t working…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What can I do? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>
      <span>“You know—some people think of a happy place. Like the beach or a favorite restaurant, somewhere that is associated with positive feelings, it helps.” </span>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The words Sakusa said to me what feels like a lifetime ago, in those lockers, suddenly entered my brain. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A happy place? Somewhere associated with positive feelings?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmm...okay.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am desperate, I guess it is worth a shot. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I close my eyes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The last place I remember feeling as if I was on the top of the world…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I have a phantom sensation of a hand on my head. My hand naturally follows the sensation, I trace the feeling back to where Sakusa’s placed his hand to kiss me harder that day in the hallway between our apartments. I remember my heart beating a million beats a minute and the butterflies in my stomach fluttering uncontrollably. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I take my hand off from my head and move it in front of my face, I examine it. I close my hand into a fist and apply pressure.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If it ever feels too much, just squeeze, and I will know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa’s words ring through my head once again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Those words. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Those words that I never knew how desperate I was to hear. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Those words that once I heard, I felt <strong>invincible</strong>. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I remember the times our shoulders ‘accidentally’ brushed up against one another on our way home. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This times I could catch a quick glimpse of him blushing through his facemask. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This times he would move his facebook, just to fluster me with a kiss and immediately replace it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The times he would pick on Bokuto or Hinata, just to make me laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel the tears mix with the beads of sweat on my face as my eyes overflow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>
      <strong>My ‘happy place’ is him. </strong>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>
      <strong>Sakusa Kiyoomi is my happy place. </strong>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Our time together wasn’t very long….but my god it was <em>precious</em> to me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I’m crying, but it is not out of frustration or sadness….it’s out of <em>gratitude</em>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I am sure of it...most people don’t get to experience love like that, and I did (even if it was for a short period of time). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>I was so lucky to have him. </strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel a calmness come over me as I dry my tears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Would you look at that? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The happy place <strong>worked</strong>. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I smile fondly to myself. Even though I treated him terribly, Sakusa continues to unconsciously and endlessly support me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I quickly finish up and change into the clothes that Samu brought out for me. I am still nervous for the conversation I have to have with him, but I am not terrified anymore. I am not ashamed I found someone who flooded my memories with feelings of love, acceptance, and appreciation. I refuse to sit back and let my doubts and worries trample over me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I ended it with Sakusa (albeit, ended it mentally and rather one sided), and I am nowhere near ‘over’ that, but I am at a place where I think I can tell Samu about it. Whatever his reaction, I will have to learn to deal with it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I am able to take my deep breaths now. I get to ten, initiate my countdown and leave the bathroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi. Yer lucky. I was giving you less than five more minutes before I barged in.” Samu says, sitting in the hall right outside of his bathroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry. I just needed some time to think.” I mutter back. I want to speak proudly, but I don’t think I am at that point, just yet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know. Dinner’s ready. Let's go.” Samu responds, already walking in the direction of the kitchen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I follow him obediently and see a couple of places set with my favorite Chūtoro and a fresh bowl of rice. I sit down before he can order me around again. We say our thanks and dig in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The food is delicious, as always. Samu has tried to teach me how to cook a million times, but my dishes never turn out as good as his. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel my energy return with each bite I take. I brace myself for the point when Samu decides it is appropriate to ask. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Soo…” Samu starts.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I thought I would have a little more time. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You wanna know why?” I decide to take the initiative. I feel better after crying for a bit. I want to speak while I still have the courage to. If I hear Osamu talk for too long, my cowardice might take over and I could lose control once again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. That’d be nice. Ya really scared me there. I have never seen you like that.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know and I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. I kept ‘it’ a secret from everyone, I can’t give you much details, because I really don’t know myself. ‘It’ happens when I feel overwhelmed. Don’t worry about ‘it’ too much, I can handle it okay on my own.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I am not everyone one, Tsumu. We have always told each other everything. I have never seen you do something that I didn’t know about. How long have you had ‘em?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uhh...since right after high school? Around the time that I moved out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s been years?!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Heh, yeah I guess so. It really doesn’t seem like it.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I wish you would’ve told me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry ‘bout it. Nothing you could’ve done anyway.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This part of the conversation I have rehearsed by myself for years...it’s the part that's around the corner that worries me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What triggers them? Do you know? Is it random?” Samu asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not sure. Nothing specific, it’s more like when my brain starts running faster than I can keep up with. I feel like a balloon inflating inside and then it kinda pops. It took some work, and a lot of practice to get it under control, but I do okay now. Today was an accident.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What caused it today? What were you so worried about? Is it because we had plans and you went out with your friends?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Samu handed me a scapegoat on a silver platter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can say it was exactly that and this conversation could end here and now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>But…</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Then I would be further betraying everything Sakusa did for me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I <strong>refuse</strong> to do that to him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. It wasn’t that.” I blurt out before I have time to rethink my decision. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” I hear him question, I avert my eyes to the nearly-finished food in front of me. I still don’t think I can look him in the eye for this. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Samu. I...I wasn’t...out, with friends I mean.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Whadda’ mean? You were out with the Jackals, right? I noticed Fukurodani’s setter too.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t forget about the plans with the guys because I wanted to hang out with the Jackals. I forgot because I was going on a date.” The words choke me on their way out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s out. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No going back now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh? A date? With who? I didn’t see her waiting for you, I’m sorry. I had no idea.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Her? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span><strong>Oh</strong>. He probably thinks there was a girl waiting for me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Another scapegoat? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am not interested. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Samu, look.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry.” He cuts me off. “I really didn’t mean to embarrass you. I’m sure it stressed you out and you didn’t want to seem rude and--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Samu. Stop, please.” I plead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want to hear anymore of his imagination. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No one was ‘waiting for me’ at the restaurant. I walked <em>in</em> with my date.” I said, my voice shaking now. It was taking everything in me to push my nerves down. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My date...it was Sakusa. Sakusa Kiyoomi.” I feel my eyes filling up just saying his name out loud. I want to hold back the tears, so badly, but I didn’t know how much longer I could. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I braced myself for the response. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Sakusa? Like your teammate?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I couldn’t answer verbally, I just nodded. I closed my eyes and awaited his reaction. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shit, you flipped out like that directly in front of your date...? <em><strong>Lame</strong></em>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>
      <strong>Huh? </strong>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My eyes widen immediately, and my head jerks to make eye contact with him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span><strong>Surely</strong> I misheard him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s that face for?” Samu asks.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am still attempting to process his response… formulating a response is out of the question. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Did you think I would be upset that you were on a date with a dude?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It as if he read my mind. We always did have pretty decent twin telepathy. I guess it comes in handy sometimes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tsumu. I don’t give a <strong>shit</strong> who you date, as long as they make you happy, seriously. Plus I am <strong>far</strong> from a position in which I could judge you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There is no way that he’s okay with it? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There is no <strong>fucking</strong> way that it was that easy? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t think he understands the situation. He has to have misunderstood. I <strong>need</strong> to clarify. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are in every position to judge me, Samu.  When I say date...I mean <em>romantically</em>.” I grab my tea to sip on as I prepare to be berated, now that I have made crystal clear the situation. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know what you meant, dumbass. I am not in a position to judge you, trust me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How could you say that? How could you be that okay with it?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tsumu.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” I ask, afraid of the answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What kind of relationship do you think Suna and I have?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What a random fucking question to ask now? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Dude I don't know..you two are friends. You’ve been good friends for years. Why would you ask me that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, good friends is a <em>nice</em> way to phrase it.” Samu says laughing to himself. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell are you talking about?” I question, realizing that a lot of the panic I had at the beginning of this conversation has disappeared. I am not sure at what point, but I feel calmer now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tsumu, use that fatass head of yers for just a second.” he retorts, still smirking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t see what I’m missing here.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ve been friends. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Good</span>
  </em>
  <span> friends, </span>
  <em>
    <span>great</span>
  </em>
  <span> friends, best </span>
  <b>
    <em>fucking</em>
  </b>
  <span> friends...heh...<em>literally</em>.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“<em>Huh</em>?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>Wait</em>..</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>W a i t. </strong>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘HUH!? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN ‘<strong>LITERALLY</strong>’!?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What do <strong>you</strong> think I mean, Einstein?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I start choking on my tea. Samu’s laughter fills up the entire apartment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Guess we are more alike than even we knew.” Samu smiled, taking a pause from the laughter. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh my god.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Is it really that much of a shock?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HOW LONG?” I yell.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Suna and I? Umm...hmm... I guess since right after highschool?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“YEARS!?” I continue to yell. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Heh, yeah I guess so. It really doesn’t seem like it.” Samu uses my own words against me with a wink and a dickhead smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I fall back to lay down on the floor while I continue to attempt to process everything. Samu’s cynical laughter continues to haunt me. It appears his concern for me has all but disappeared. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I jerk up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait.” I snap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” Samu asks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sakusa!” I jump up to my feet. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah, I am sorry I scolded you in front of your boyfriend, Tsumu. To be completely, you embarrassed me in front of <em>mine</em>, so I guess we are kinda even?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, dipshit.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then, What about him? I am sure he will understand why you had to leave quickly. Relax, don’t excite yourself.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Osamu.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I told Akaashi that I was done with him. I was terrified and I thought it was the best thing to do.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well...are you?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Does it </span>
  <b>
    <em>look </em>
  </b>
  <span>like I am?” I gesture to my anxious body language. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then why did you tell Akaashi that? And when the hell did you tell him?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Oh shit. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>That’s right, Samu doesn’t know that I spoke to Aakashi outside the restaurant. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“When is not important, <em>mind yer business</em>. I told him because I was terrfieid that you would hate me.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I could think of about a <em><strong>billion</strong></em> reasons that I would be upset with you over and somehow you being happy with someone is not on there...dumbass.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What if Aakashi told him already?” My head spins around looking for my phone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Charging in the kitchen.” Samu instructs, pointing in the direction of the kitchen, as if he was reading my mind once again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Call Akaashi first, Tsumu. If you call Sakusa and start apologizing and Akaashi didn’t say anything, you are going to make the situation about a billion times worse.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have about a billion different questions for you, but I have to go home right now.” I say, sprinting towards the kitchen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Home? Why the hell are you going home?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sakusa and I are front door neighbors.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“HUh!? What!? Wait...Atsumu, <em><strong>WHERE</strong></em> are you going!?” Samu yells at my, while I run to pick up my keys and bag. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Samu. I gotta go tell ‘em! I have to, it’s selfish as fuck, but this whole him I have been so obsessed with me that I haven’t even bothered to ask him how he feels!” My blood is pumping and my heart is racing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time from <em>excitement</em>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gotta tell who? What? Yer losing me, Tsumu.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I gotta tell Kiyoomi. That I’m totally in love with him! See ya!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“LOVE!? Tsumu, wait!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Those are the last words I hear as I spring out the door, adrenaline pumping, as I haul ass to tell the person I love the truth. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Completely and entirely. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m finally free. I feel tears stream down my face as I run with everything in me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But these are different from the other tears I have shed today. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>So different. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 18**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. I Know.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! First and foremost, I am so insanely sorry to be posting this chapter a few days after I intended. I got sick over the weekend and really could not write :(</p><p>Secondly, I really hope you like this chapter. It functions such as bridge for the next arc in the story...so I really hope everyone likes it!!! </p><p>As always, please feel free to comment and message your thoughts and opinions, I love to hear them! Thank you for all the support thus far and I hope that everyone has a safe and wonderful week!! :) </p><p>Next Chapter: May 26th :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 19</b>
  </span>
</h2><p> </p><p>
  <span>It starts raining about halfway to my house. I typically take the bus to and from Samu’s house, but the adrenaline pumping through my veins made the idea of standing at a bus stop and waiting completely unbearable. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Every step I take I can feel my bag hitting my back, so hard it might even leave a bruise. Ironically enough, each hit on my back gets me more and more excited. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>My body is moving on its own. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Osamu is not only okay, but supportive of me and Sakusa? Every time the thought runs through my mind, I find myself blinking quickly to suppress the tears. I have cried enough today. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The rain intensifies as I get closer to my house...it seems to be a bad storm brewing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As I run into the building, I can’t even wait for the elevator, I swing the door to the staircase open and climb up, skipping every other step. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The climb that would nearly wipe me out by the third floor seems to be practically nothing. I zoom and make it up the sixth floor in no time at all, I may have even set a new record. I swing the door open and stumble my way out the door, to the end of the hallway, where Kiyoomi’s and my apartment face one another. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I try to catch my breath as I stand in front, facing his door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It just occurs to me that I have run the entire way and I have not even thought about what I am going to say. As my chest rises and falls, I make the decision that I am going to have to wing it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I take a deep breath and knock. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There is no response. I check the time.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit, it is pretty late, maybe he is asleep? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Should I knock again? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No, probably not, I happen to know that Sakusa is pretty canky when someone wakes him up. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Okay, fine. I got to turn around, I will just talk to him tomorrow. I am sure he has to be dead tired, and after all I put him through tonight it is not fair for me to demand that he gets up for me so I could---</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">
      <strong>*click* </strong>
    </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The lock turning interrupts my thoughts. My mind goes black and I see the door open to unveil a disheveled Sakusa. Sweatpants, and a loose fitting t-shirt. He has draped on a hoodie that is falling over his shoulder. His hair is a mess, with curls facing every direction, they are currently covering up his moles on the left side of his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I struggle to take a deep breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This man literally takes my breath away. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Atsumu?” He mumbles out, rubbing his eye like a toddler. He was obviously asleep, but is desperately trying to wake himself up, to process the information. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I want to stare at him a bit longer, but unfortunately I do not have that luxury. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kiyoomi. I need to talk to you. I really sorry to bother you at this time, but I just couldn’t--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I am cut off again by Sakusa and his actions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel his hand grab a fistful of my shirt and jerk me closer to him. I feel every hair on my body stand at attention, as I wait to see what happens next. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The second he has pulled me within a reachable distance, he drapes his long arms around me, engulfing me with his body. He nuzzles his head in between my shoulder and neck and takes a deep breath. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel as if I am about to melt when I take a deep breath and inhale an oddly familiar scent… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kiyoomi...have...you been drinking?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He reeks of alcohol. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop talking right now. Let me be like this, for just a second.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t utter a response, but I am concerned. Sakusa typically pretends to sip on one drink for an entire night when we manage to get him out. I don’t think I have ever seen him actually finish a beer, forget about being drunk. It is not like Sakusa to do something that reckless. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am concerned. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Did Akaashi tell him? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I feel my heart pang, but I am too nervous to ask him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I hear a sniffle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span class="u">
    <strong>Huh? </strong>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kiyoomi?” I manage, still frozen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is he crying? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re wet.” He responds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Did he just notice that now? I have been standing here dripping wet. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Heh, yeah, I guess I am.” I smile as I wrap my arms around him and return the squeeze. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s funny, Sakusa is certainly taller than me, but when he wants he can shrink his body so small, so that he fits perfectly in my arms. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Come.” He orders, grabbing my shirt again and pulling me completely inside. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wait I gotta talk to you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He responds by putting up his index finger and signaling me to wait. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Normally, I would be offended, but it's Sakusa, so I don't even bother. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shower.” He moves the finger to point in the direction of the bathroom. His apartment is the opposite orientation of mine, so I feel a bit disorientated, but I figured I might as well listen. I am pretty sure he is drunk, and there is definitely no use in arguing with a drunk man. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I shuffle my way over to the bathroom and turn on the water, the appliances are all the same as in my apartment, so it feels pretty natural getting prepared for a shower. As I undress, I finally get a good luck around the bathroom. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa has a fairly modern taste. Mostly white, with black and copper accents. For some reason, I figured Sakusa for a minimalist, that is not the case. He has plenty of stuff, but it is perfectly organized. I open up a couple of the drawers in the bathroom to find beautifully folded towels (hand and body), toilet paper, soap, razors, shaving cream, pretty much everything that one could imagine someone might need in a bathroom. Then all of a sudden, my eye happens to catch the row dedicated to the face soap. I find a couple different bottles of the same one that he gave me way back during the Jackal tryouts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel a soft smile form as my heart warms up at just the sight of the face soap. Who would have thought something that would mean this much to me would come from a careless mistake and a stupid facial cleanser. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I open another drawer to find neatly a neatly folded shirt, pants, and socks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span><strong>Of course</strong> Sakusa has an outfit already folded and ready to go in his bathroom. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I smile and quickly hop in the shower. Everything feels so familiar, I am not even nervous to speak to Sakusa when I get out. I was worried he would be upset with me...but you don’t hug someone you are upset at like that….do you? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I wrap up and change into the outfit that Sakusa had in the draw. Although he is larger than me, his clothes fit me well, plus they smell like him, it is extremely comforting. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I walk out of the bathroom to see a slumped over Sakusa, hovering over the kitchen sink drinking water. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Heh.” I can’t hold it in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa has a way of remaining insanely composed, even in situations where is obviously uncomfortable. So, as terrible as it may seem, I am really enjoying this little mess of a Kiyoomi. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He runs his finger through his hair to meet eyes with me, without moving his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>
    <em>Fuck, he looks good. </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That was fast. Are you sure you cleaned properly?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know how to shower.” I laughed back, “More importantly, don’t you think you should shower? You smelled like alcohol.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa just stares at me, with a slightly judgemental face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I sneer back, I wish I could read his mind right about now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You didn’t strike me as the type to get drunk alone, Kiyoomi.” I decide to fill the silence. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not. Special circumstances.” He says, tilting his head back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He seems colder now than when I first saw him...did he sober up? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fuck...does that mean Akaashi told him? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel that pang of nervousness return to my heart. I still need to talk to him, so I am not going to run away, but that doesn’t make this any easier. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I take a deep breath. “Look.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh-uh. Not you. Me.” He says, pointing at himself. “It is my turn to talk.” He turns his finger to point at his couch in the living room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He walks over and plants himself there, I follow soon after. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We sit on the opposite sides of the couch. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kiyoomi--” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What did I say, Miya?” Sakusa stares me down, lowering his tone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” I feel like a child being scolded. He hasn’t called me Miya when we have been alone since that very first night we kissed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He takes a deep breath. “I don’t know what happened...and to be honest it is not my business. So I am not going to ask. However, I want to be perfectly clear about something.” He pauses and takes assessment of me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I nodd in confirmation, fearing that if I made a comment, Sakusa would scold me again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I did not kiss you for shits and giggles. I did not hold you in my arms, walk and laugh with you because I thought it would be fun for a day or two. I am not a fan of starting something and not following through the end, Miya. It is not my style. So when I did those things to you...no not to you, with you...I did it for the real thing. I did it for us. You and me.” He pauses again, I see his eyes water over. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">
      <strong>**baddum** </strong>
    </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Is it fucked up that this is making me fall for him? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sakusa exhales. “So, next time something happens like tonight...please, please stay with me. We can handle anything together.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now I feel my eyes watering. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sakusa.” I blurt out, I continue before he could stop me again “I’m so sorry. I made you miserable tonight. A lot happened, but I don’t have an excuse for that. I was selfish and was only thinking of myself. When I saw the restaurant, and how packed it was, I should have known then and there that we should have turned around. It is all my fault...I let my selfishness get the better of me and I was a horrible person to you. I am so so sorry.” I felt myself rambling, but I did not know how to stop it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?” Sakusa tilts his head like a little puppy. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“In the restaurant...even before we ran into Samu and company...you were miserable and uncomfortable...you obviously did not want to be there and I ignored it for my own selfish reasons. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, let me be perfectly clear again. I am not good at doing things I do not want to do. Because I give my all to everything, I don’t start anything I don’t want to. So if I start something, anything, including our date, I want to be there. Plus...if I am going to be honest...if it is anything to do with you...I have accepted the fact that I always want to do it….no matter what.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">
      <strong>**baddum** </strong>
    </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But….why? I don’t understand, you are so good to me, and I can’t do anything for you?” At this point, I am holding back tears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Atsumu. What in the fuck are you spewing?” Sakusa’s brows furrowed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s really cute, he is <strong>terrible</strong> at hiding him emotions. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s just, you help me when I kinda freak out..and it feels very one sided. It just doesn’t seem fair to you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And who are you to decide that? Atsumu...I will never be able to put into words what you do for me. You may never really know, but that does not make it any less valid….Even you showing up like this for me...you don’t know this but no one would do that for me.” I see a tear flowing down his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can’t hold back. I jump over to the other side of the couch and cup his face. I take a moment to really examine his face, his brow is still furrowed but it is much softer now. A small stream of tears flow neatly down his cheek. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Heh. He even cries neatly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, you know that?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You, what?” I see Sakusa’s eyes widen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I didn’t mean to say that. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It just slept out. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Well… </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If I mean something important to Sakusa...</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can’t be a coward. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>Not anymore.</em> </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you, Sakusa Kiyoomi.” I say, confidently this time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I see a couple more tears flow down his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you too, Miya Atsumu.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grabs my face in response and simultaneously pulls my face and pushes him into mine, yet somehow still kissing my softly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tastes different that normal, I can taste the subtle reminances of alcohol in this mouth…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmm..I will have to talk to him about that later. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh one more thing.” He says with a smile, his mouth still on mine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” I respond, not wanting to separate from him right now. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Much to my dismay, Sakusa pulls back, just enough to look me in the eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You're my boyfriend now...you know that right? Now, you’re stuck with me, no quitting or running away.” He does his little puppy tilt again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What is up with people using my own phrasing against me? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yup. I know.” I say as I lower my head and press my ear to his chest to hear his heartbeat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.” I repeat again, allowing myself to truly get lost in the moment and fall asleep in his arms…</span>
</p><p> </p><h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 19**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Never Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! I hope everyone has had a nice beginning to their week! :) </p><p>This was a really fun chapter to write, I really wanted to give the readers a sneak peek into what a typical morning would look like in the Sakuatsu household. I have had a couple of soft fluffy chapters in a row....so just get ready ;) </p><p>I really hope everyone is enjoying the story thus far, and will continue to enjoy the story!!! :) As always, thank you so much for all the support that has been show thus far. Please feel free to leave your thoughts and comments in the comments sections or messaging me....I love to hear them!!! </p><p>Thank you again and enjoy the rest of your week!!! &lt;3 &lt;3 </p><p>Next Chapter: May 30th :)</p><p>**Sorry about pushing this chapter back, I am still at my job and I don’t think I will make it home to post in time. I will try to get it up ASAP. I’m really sorry about this and I promise to make it up!!!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 20</b>
  </span>
</h2><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I softly open my eyes to a warmly familiar scent. I take a deep breath and cherish this scent that has quickly become my favorite. I turn around to the other side of the to wrap myself in the blanket. </span>
    <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kiyoomi never stays in bed once he wakes up. First thing in the morning he hops out of bed and heads to the shower. Before this, he looks at me for a bit before kissing my forehead and getting up. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I always pretend I don’t notice, but it’s my absolute favorite way to start the day. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We have been dating for around three months now.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Time has really flown. </span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The day after Kiyoomi’s and my  ‘first date’ I went back over to Samu’s and we spoke for hours. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wasn’t even nervous. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After sleeping in my <span class="u">boyfriend's</span> arms there was practically nothing in the world that could phase me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Samu and I talked about <strong>a lot. </strong></em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>How he and Suna start dating at the end of the high school, after realizing that they </span>
  <em>
    <span>really</span>
  </em>
  <span> liked to hang out the two of them and eventually the light bulb lit up that their attraction for one another ran deeper than ‘friends’. They have been dating for years now and really happy together. They made the decision to keep their relationship secret (although he was pretty sure a couple people knew) as they were afraid that it might impact their futures’ but apparently when Samu goes on ‘business trips’ the two of them sneak off to some place where they don’t have to worry about anyone noticing them and live their life like two little lovesick puppies. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When he was telling them the story, Samu was blushing and everything. It was so embarrassing...I hope I don’t look like that (although I know I do). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Neither Samu nor I have told our family about our boyfriends. The idea scares me a bit, but the fact that whenever it comes time to do so, I’ll have my brother with me, calms me down quite a bit. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Samu and I also talked about my attacks.<em> That part</em> of the conversation was hard…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em><strong>But</strong></em>...he was understanding, and kind. He asked how I dealt with them and listened when I went on a long winded explanation of how I thought I had control.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We talked about how Sakusa and I discovered that we had feelings for one another. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We talked nearly the whole day about anything and everything. I didn’t realize how distant we had grown until I felt so much closer to him (post-conversation). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>At the end we decided that after Sakusa and I had dated for a bit that I would officially introduce him to Samu. It gave me something to strive towards in my relationship. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As if I needed anything other than Kiyoomi himself...</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We have been on quite a few double dates too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Only with Bokuto and Akaashi...but still. We mainly either go to small bars or one of our houses and order take-out, but they are always entertaining. They are our biggest fans, always reminding us too. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kiyoomi and I have grown pretty dependent on one another. We even have a schedule for sleeping over. We only sleep over every other day and flip flop between apartments like this:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Monday → Yes, Tsumu’s apartment / Tuesday → No / Wednesday → Yes, Omi’s apartment / Thursday → No / Friday → Yes, Tsumu’s apartment / Saturday → No / Sunday → Yes, Omi’s apartment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We may sleep over...but that’s all we do….sleep. It’s kinda weird, I did not think I would ever want to have sex with a guy...even after I started dating Kiyoomi, the idea still really freaked me out. Kiyoomi has taken the lead with everything so I have been waiting for him to make a move but….crickets. We barely even make out before Kiyoomi complains about my ‘slobbering’ (</span>
  <em>
    <span>dramatics</span>
  </em>
  <span>) and puts a stop to it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I kinda, sorta, really want to do it with him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I wonder if he doesn’t want to do it with me? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I try not to dwell on the thought too much. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We walk to and from practice every day together. We go out more with the team, smiling and relaxed, the two of us knowing at the end of the day we still get to go home with one another.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kiyoomi has really become part of my day to day life….and I wouldn’t change it for the world. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey.” I am snapped out of my daydream by a pillow to the face, “Get up, we need to put the sheets to wash before we leave.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh...that’s another thing. Kiyoomi make’s us wash the sheets every other day (so every time we are sharing a bed). It was a bit annoying at first, but I have grown attached...that seems to be a growing trend for me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well good morning to you too, sunshine.” I grunt, not wanting to get up. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I said good morning.” Kiyoomi looks down at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm...I don’t think you did.” I snark back, throwing a pillow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I laugh as Kiyoomi bops from side to side, attempting to catch the pillow. He would probably burn if it fell on the floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His hair is still damp from the shower, he has a towel draped over his shoulders and his practice gear, minus his jacket, while I am sure he will put on prior to leaving. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shower, please. I already started the water for you. It is going to get cold and I don’t want to hear you bitch.” Kiyoomi says, already pulling the sheets off the bed to put in the washer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Me!? Bitch!? Never ever Omi!” I laugh, rolling out of the bed. I walk over and put my arms around his torso from behind him. I place a quick kiss on his shoulders and try to trace up to his lips…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Atsumu, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I just </span>
  <b>
    <em>know</em>
  </b>
  <span> you are not insane enough to try to kiss me before brushing your teeth?” Kiyoomi remarks, focusing his eyes on me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I wince and sign at the realization that my masterful plan has been foiled. I audibly groaned again in his ear and shuffled in defeat to the bathroom, where I had a towel and my freshly cleaned and steamed outfit waiting for me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I may have just been rejected, but my heart is overflowing. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I shower thoroughly (if I shower too quickly, Kiyoomi doesn’t believe I did a good enough job and will make me go back in) and join him for breakfast. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kiyoomi can’t cook worth a shit, but neither one of us are big breakfast people, so our mornings are normally the time where we enjoy coffee or tea and relax a bit before we have to head off to practice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kiyoomi sits at the table working on a puzzle, I got him a couple from the store the other day and he has completed one every single morning. I am reading </span>
  <em>
    <span>Murder on the Orient Express </span>
  </em>
  <span>cuddled up in a corner of the couch...the same corner that Kiyoomi officially asked me out. I smile as I remember. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I hear grunts coming from the table. As I peek over, I see a frustrated wild Sakusa, looking like he wanted to fight the puzzle pieces on the table. I giggle at his frowny face and hand running through his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Not funny, Miya, you got me a broken puzzle.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“As hilarious as it would be to see you struggle over a puzzle that doesn’t fit, I wouldn’t do that to you.” I turn to put a bookmark in my book and walk over to the table to help him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I bend over, throw my arms around his neck, and rest my head on his right shoulder, trying to peek at his progress. He is nearly complete, with just a few pieces in the middle left over. I find the match for one of the empty slots. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you say something, you’ll find yourself walking alone today.” Kiyoomi snaps, as if he was reading my mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ya know, you could really stand to get a couple more minutes of sleep, yer always a bit cranky in the mornings.” Kiyoomi gives me an evil glare, rolls, his eyes and refocuses on his riveting puzzle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I accept the fact that I will probably not get any action from him right now and slump over to check my phone, which is charging in Kiyoomi’s kitchen. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A text from Samu: </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Oi. Suna, Kita, and Aran will all be in town this weekend. We didn’t get to do anything last time...for obvious reasons. We should plan something. Let me know what day works best (no pressure but I already told them Saturday).” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmm, well at least he is asking now...in his own way. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kiyoomi and I had a date planned on Saturday. I’m sure he won’t mind if we move it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Omi?” I call to him</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” He responds, not wavering his focus from his puzzle, he even takes a sip of his tea, all while still staring at the puzzle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A couple of the guys from Inarizaki are going to be in town this week...Samu kinda made plans for Saturday, so I might have to bail on our date. I’m sorry, but I wasn’t able to---”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What have I told you about apologizing to me?” Kiyoomi cuts me off. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I instantly want to apologize again but bite my tongue before I get scolded again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Also, why do you have to cancel our date?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm? What do you mean?” I told Kiyoomi about my agreement with Samu, he knows that we agreed that they would meet when we were serious. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well...I have been thinking about how I want to meet your brother….this sounds like a good opportunity. We can meet before you meet up with the rest of your old teammates.” Kiyoomi says, all while placing a couple of pieces into the puzzle. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What...are you sure? This is like meeting the parents….expect worse because Osamu is an asshole.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, I am sure, I would not have offered otherwise.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Of course he would be so calm about this. I feel a blush rushing to me cheeks and I see a little smirk appear on the corner of Kiyoomi’s face. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh, not today. He won’t win this game today.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmm, okay…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I walk over to the table as Kiyoomi is placing the last few pieces in the puzzle. Right before he is going to place the last piece, I snatch it from the table.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Kiyoomi snaps his head to look at me “Hey, give it ba--” I shut him up by pressing my lips to his. I smile as I hear a low moan escape the back of his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While still kissing him and peek and place the last puzzle piece. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I pull away to see a flustered Kiyoomi, the apples of his cheeks a bursting red. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He composes himself quickly, “What did you do to my puzzle?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks down to see the puzzle completed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm… I guess you can say, I </span>
  <b>
    <em>complete</em>
  </b>
  <span> you…?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He stares at me in disbelief. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. I don’t think you understand how much I cannot say that.” He furrows his brows at me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I burst out laughing, one of these days I will get Kiyoomi to laugh at one of my brilliant puns. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I calm down a bit, still lightly chuckling, “Are you sure about ‘meeting’ Samu? I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t have to answer. Kiyoomi just flashes one of his glares that says a million words. He loves to remind me that he never does anything he doesn’t want to, so I guess I shouldn’t ask questions like that…. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I sigh. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay… I’ll call him today and see if we can work it out…” I look down at Kiyoomi, who is still sitting at the table, he finally looks up at me as he licks his lips. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck that’s hot. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I love you.” I blurt out with a smile from the bottom of my heart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, I know. I love you too.” Kiyoomi responds as he stands up and plants a kiss on my forehead. “Come on, we are really going to be late if we don’t leave soon.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I never in a million years thought I would be so domestically happy. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Even stupid things like Kiyoomi calling my name fill me with such inexplicable happines, I feel that I could explode at any moment. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His attention to detail warms my heart. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His snarky comments and constant jabs make me laugh and reminds me to never take anything too seriously. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His focus and passion for everything he does (even a dumb puzzle) ignites a competitive fire within me to better myself and my craft. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>His small ‘sneaky’ glances or ‘secret’ kisses in the morning make me fall deeper and deeper in love. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He brings out the absolute best in me and helps me work on the worst parts of me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know I don’t deserve this. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I will never take it for granted again…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Never again will I doubt him... </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Never again will I make decisions for him...</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Never again will I assume his feelings...</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Never again, because I know now...</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I really am lucky to have him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p>
<h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 20**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. The Lucky Ones</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello! I am sorry for the delay again yesterday!! Safe to say, going back to work has really thrown me all out of sorts!! I am hoping to have a better handle on things this upcoming week. So, I fully intend to keep to me deadlines :)</p><p>Anyway...today we have...an Osamu POV chapter!!! I really went back on forth on whether I wanted to write a chapter from Osamu's perspective, I was (and still am tbh) that the chapter would kind of cut the story, and ruin the flow, but at the same time I really wanted to show the readers that Atsumu is not the only one who suffered through the preceeding events (plus some fluff from a different couple is always fun) so ultimately I decided to do it. I really hope you enjoy it!!!! I particularly like writing Suna's character :) </p><p>As always, please feel free to share any thoughts / questions / comments in the comments section or messaging!! I really do love reading them, and I try to respond to each one as quickly as possible :) </p><p>I hope everyone is continuing to stay safe and I hope that you are enjoying the story (and that you will continue to enjoy the story)!!! Thank you for all the support thus far!! </p><p>Next Chapter: June 1st :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 21</b>
  </span>
</h2><p>
  <em>
    <span class="u">
      <span>**Osamu’s POV**</span>
    </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh...Tsumu’s calling.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh?” my company responds from the couch in the living room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmmm...I should answer. It’s not like him to call like this.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey. Everything okay?” I quickly say, picking up the line. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi, does something have to be wrong for me to call my dear brother?” Atsumu responds, with an attitude. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just know what time it is, asshole. Aren’t you normally full blown puppy eyes following Sakusa to practice at this time?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shut yer mouth.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How close is he?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Just a couple of steps so shut it.” he pleads. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So what did you call for?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I saw your text.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Why is he being so shady? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah...what about it? You can make it right? They are only in town for the weekend, so it's honestly the least we could do.” I partially lie.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Umm..yeah about that…” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I could tell that he’s nervous to tell me something. He has this habit of taking these weird pauses when he is trying to buy time. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tsumu, what’s up?” I try to pry the information out of him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I was thinking, why don’t we meet up earlier in the day. You know, so you and Kiyoomi can finally get to know each other a little bit.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmm...we made an agreement a couple of months ago that I would not pressure Tsumu to introduce me to Sakusa until the two of them were serious. If he is asking me to meet him it must be serious. I smile at the phone. A couple of months ago Tsumu would have rather broken things off with his boyfriend than tell me that he was into dudes...now he wants to introduce us. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“If you don’t want to or you can’t it’s totally okay. You don’t have to. I unde--” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tsumu, it sounds great. I’m excited. Let me talk to Suna and I’ll get back to you with a plan, sounds good?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Umm...yeah...sounds great. Thank you for doing this.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I can tell he is smiling through the phone. <em>This must have been Sakusa’s idea.</em></span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I’ll call you after you get out of practice with the plan.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Kay, see ya.” Tsumu sounds a little out of breath, he must have ran to catch up with Sakusa. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I think back to a couple of months ago, when I was furious at him. I had been calling and texting Tsumu after we made plans with our old teammates from Inarizaki. He was ignoring me, but that was not particularly strange, Tsumu has always been a bit more on the petty side, so from time to time he was ignore me over something stupid. But...he wouldn’t bail out on the plans, when he did not show up at the restaurant with everyone, I was truly worried. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I had no idea how much Tsumu was struggling on his own. Seeing him break down outside of the restaurant…. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>As a brother, I feel like I failed. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The two of us. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We are responsible for one another, we always have been. My weaknesses become Tsumu’s strengths and visa versa. We got comfortable like that, but Tsumu never was okay with that. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Tsumu did his job, he would force me out of my comfort zone, and would purposefully push people’s buttons so I would have not choice but to calm them down.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am fine on my own, but Tsumu was struggling and I was so blind to it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel familiar arms wrap around me and break my train of thought. A head pokes into my peripheral view, after resting on my shoulder. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm... talk to me about what?” Suna whispers in his morning voice. His voice is always on the lower end, and pretty monotonic, but in the morning his voice is particularly raspy, and just does the right things to me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmph. So you’re eavesdropping on my conversations, now?” I smirk in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s call it curiosity.” I feel his arms tighten around my waist. “So, are you going to tell me, or am I going to have to pry it out of you, Miya.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ahh, so it’s </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>that</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> kind of morning. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, if you’re going to threaten me with a good time, Rintarou.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I hear him laugh as he digs into my neck. One of his hands sneaks its way under my shirt, creeping his hand up. The other hand heads in the opposite direction toying with me through my clothes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, whoa, whoa, I would like to be able to work today.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, and I wanna know what you have to talk to me about, but unfortunately we don’t always get what we want.” Between every word, Suna sneaks in a kiss or a bite...whichever pleases him in the moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hand that made its way to my lower half traces to my hip, which he grabs and pulls back into his. I audibly gasped, even though I tried to hold it in and grunt in frustration. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Still using his hips to apply pressure, Suna uses his other hand to grab my face to play with my ear. We have been together long enough that he knows exactly what to do to me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I hate it and love it at the same time. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I feel his mouth open next to my ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mercy, mercy, mercy!” I get louder each time. I need to stop this before it gets too far and I can’t stop. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Already, Miya?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I could tell that Suna’s in the mood when he calls me Miya. He was able to sneak out and come visit a little earlier than planned. Safe to say, he decided not to tell anyone else so he didn’t have to see anyone. Suna has kept me indoors since he got here. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You always say things in three's when you wanna do it...'mercy, mercy, mercy' and 'whoa, whoa whoa'" Suna mocks me, "so what’s the excuse this time?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have to go to work, unless you plan to explain to my hungry fans why I am not there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suna moves his hands down to my waist, and twists it so I face him. He places his arms on either side of me and inches his face closer to mine. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm 'fans', sure thing. Yer really going to choose work over me?” leaning close enough that the tips of our noses are touching. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Suna, you haven’t been this horny since high school.” I giggle, playfully smacking his dick, which is conveniently pressed against my leg. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I push him off and try to put some distance, before I cave in and get in the trouble for actually skipping work. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Tsumu asked if I would want to meet Sakusa, before we meet with everyone else on Saturday.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah” I smile, “So we have to think of something fun to do.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you think it’s a little weird to plan to meet someone that you have already met?” Suna asks, hoping up on my kitchen island. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Get yer nasty ass off” I snap, “and maybe, but I think it’s important to Tsumu. Plus, he hasn’t ‘met’ you as my boyfriend either, you don’t think it’s a little different?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t hear you complaining about my nasty ass last night, Miya.” Suna smirks, as he shakes his ass to retort that he has no intention of moving. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I roll my eyes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Also, no, not really. I mean I have been your boyfriend for years, and I have seen and hung out with Atsumu plenty of times as well. I’m not sure what the difference is.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, he didn’t know we are fucking before.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And now he does.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right.” I confirm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So how is it different?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’ll see us differently.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Suna, I’m not getting into this with you.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Into what? I'm genuinely asking here. We have been dating for years. I can’t even count how many times we have been together with your brother throughout that time. Sure he didn’t know, but how does that change things? It’s not like I’m going to suck your dick or grab your ass because he knows. It really doesn’t change anything.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Cute mental image there.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I knew you would like it. Don’t worry, that’s for closed doors only” He smirks. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Asshole</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not about that.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Then what is it about?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Suna.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My brother nearly lost his fucking mind at the moment that he thought I ‘discovered’ that he was on a date with another dude. You didn’t see him. I did. I was terrified. Never in my life have I ever seen him like that.” I feel my voice shake as I finish.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suna finally hops off the island and walks over to me, reaching a comforting hand out. I take it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It hurt me to think that I put Atsumu in that situation. Even if you and I were not together, even if I thought guys dating each other was disgusting, I would still have to learn to be the most supportive and uplifting version of myself. I just...I can’t live with myself, thinking that I caused Tsumu that much harm.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Baby. Come here” Suna calls as he grabs my arm and pulls me into a hug. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I hate it when he calls me ‘baby’. He only does it when I am about to cry, like he has a sixth fucking sense. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I fall into the hug and felt a tear slide down my cheek. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Dammit. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t understand and I was insensitive about it. I’m sorry. I get it now. It’s not about ‘meeting’ each other, this is for the two of you.” Suna says, his voice no longer raspy. He squeezes his arms around me and kisses the top of my forehead. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span><em>He’s right.</em> I have met Sakusa plenty of times in high school and even at BJ practices and games, prior to SakuAtsu (since the discovery, I have kept my distance, as promised). Tsumu has spent countless hours with Suna. No one is meeting anyone new. It’s for me Tsumu. The two of us thought we knew absolutely everything about everything about one another. I thought that I had a couple little secrets from him, but that I knew everything about him. He happened to think the same thing. When we discovered that we were both wrong, it...changed our dynamic. Not necessarily in a bad way, but definitely changed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Even though I did not show it (there was no way in hell that I could). I was upset when Tsumu told me about Sakusa. I had the full intention to borderline tell him off, once he had calmed down that night. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I mean, who would hide something like that from their twin? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until after he chased after Sakusa, that I realized how insane and hypocritical that was of me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I did the exact same thing to him, but worse. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I fell for someone that we were both close to. We both hid from him for years, and even worse than that….we enjoyed it. We would play games seeing how close we could cut it without Tsumu seeing us, or figuring it out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It helped that Tsumu’s a complete idiot, but still. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>My relationship <em>thrived</em> off of my brother’s ignorance… </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And I had the audacity to instinctively get possessive when I found out that he had someone of his own.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, what are we going to do on Saturday? Atsumu nearly lost all his marbles by just standing next to Sakusa in front of you last time.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know.” I say, exhaling and drying my face. “We have to think of something that will get him to relax and forget the reality of the situation.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...maybe grabbing your ass in front of him isn’t such a terrible idea.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Suna, what the fuck are you on?” I roll my eyes, laughing at the absurd suggestion. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m half kidding. I mean if I did something like that his mind will be so preoccupied that he won’t be able to freak out.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s right...again. It pisses me off when he’s right too often. I glare at him. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s that for?” He questions. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I don’t even validate the question with a response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ha! I’m a genius. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I got it.” I announce with a smile from ear to ear. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Got what?” Suna, monotonically answers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll play.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re losing me here, babe.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I shove him, and walk over to the kitchen to grab my phone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“We’ll play volleyball. 2-on-2. It’s perfect. Tsumu is insanely competitive, and I’m positive so is Sakusa. They’ll be so into the game they wouldn’t be thinking about us. Plus, we could see their dynamic.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...that doesn’t sound like a terrible idea. Look at you, using your thinking cap and everything.” Suna retorts, using his finger to point at his head. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off, Suna.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmph.” He seems happy, “Also, Kormori mentions all the time, Sakusa is competitive as hell, so I’m sure it will be fun, but, ummm, are you sure about this?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Perfect. Why wouldn’t I be sure?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You do know that you are the only one that is <em><strong>not</strong></em> a professional volleyball player….<strong><em>right</em></strong>? “ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This bitch. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You don’t think I can keep up?’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think that,” Suna says walking over to the bedroom, he turns around already smiling ‘I <strong><em>know</em></strong> it, babe.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He doesn’t even finish the sentence before he is running into the bedroom. I react and chase after him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!” I hear him calling out before I even manage to get inside the room. I am laughing too much to continue to chase him after. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laughs out in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I walk into the room. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a real asshole, you know that Rintaro?” I spew out, still laughing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, your asshole, though.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nice phrasing.” I laugh again. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So, how are you going to organize this thing? I would love to, but this is not my territory around here.” Suna asks, flopping down onto the bed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm..I have an idea or two. Tsumu told me that there is someone who knows about him and Sakusa that might just be able to help us.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oya?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm.” I confirm in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><hr/><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tsumu, stop bitching and just listen to what I am saying. We will meet outside of your home gym at noon on Saturday. Come casual.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Why won’t you tell me what we are going to do?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Because it doesn’t matter, dickhead. I have it all planned out, the only things that you need to worry about is getting there and bringing a change of clothes for dinner.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Samu, Kiyoomi is not going to like the secrecy.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hiding behind your boyfriend already?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Shut yer mouth.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Right back at ya. See ya Saturday.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I smile as I hang up the phone. For the first time, in a really long time, I feel that we are as close as ever. Taunting each other and hanging up in the middle of a conversation (because we are that sure that we’ll talk again soon). </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>As I sit on my couch, I just reflect for a minute. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We have always had one another. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>When we were younger it was the two of us against the world. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Even if no one else believed in us, we believed in each other. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Even as we got older, graduated high school and slowly but surely drifted apart, neither one of us acknowledged it, so we somewhere remained relatively close. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We both had secrets, secrets that have ruined other people’s relationships with their families before, ours revealed themselves in a night of passion, acceptance, and ultimately support. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now we can grow together, individually in our personal relationships, and together, as family. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I see him happier, stronger, more confident. I hope he sees the same in me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I guess, at the end of day…</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>We really are some of the lucky ones. </em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><h6>
  <em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 21**</span>
  </em>
</h6>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. The Date, Take II, Part I</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello everyone!! I am very sorry for missing another deadline. With everything that is going on in the world, it is safe to say things have been crazy. I truly hope from the bottom of my heart that everyone remains safe. This chapter was originally meant to be a bit angsty, however, I genuinely think there is enough negativity in the world right now, so I kept it lighter. With that being said, I do know how the story is going to continue, so it may take a little longer to upload the new chapters, just to give everything their time to heal. I truly hope everyone understands. </p><p>As always, thank you very much for all the support for this story thus far. I hope that everyone is enjoying the story and will continue to enjoy the story moving forward. Please feel free to say anything in the comments and messages, I love reading them and they always put a smile on my face :,). </p><p>Finally, I want to say that I firmly stand in solidarity with black communities that suffer institutionalized and systemic racism on a daily basis. I stand with you. I fight with you. I mourn with you. #BlackLivesMatter </p><p>Next Chapter: June 18, 2020!!**</p><p>** My break is finally over!! I have had a wild couple of weeks and I am very excited to get back into this story. I hope whoever is interested will continue to enjoy the story with me!! I will see you in a couple of days :) :) :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <h2>
  <span class="u">
    <b>Chapter 22</b>
  </span>
</h2><p>
  <span class="u">
    <em>
      <span>**Atsumu’s POV**</span>
    </em>
  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you nervous?” Kiyoomi asks, squeezing my hand. He has gotten into the habit of freely grabbing my hand whenever he is confident we won’t be spotted. This is a really big deal for him. Before, he would not even touch me if I hadn’t showered. I see little instances like this where Sakusa is slowly but surely opening up to me….it makes me unbelievably happy.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, I want you to get along. Plus, I know Samu, and he’s a dick. So is Suna for that matter. So, safe to say, I am worried about what they are plotting.” I respond, squeezing back to confirm. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I deal with you on a daily basis, if you have not scared me away, I really don’t think anyone can.” Kiyoomi smiles. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He wears his face mask religiously whenever we go out, but I have gotten used to how he smiles with his eyes. As a matter of fact, I have mastered the art of reading Kiyoomi’s emotions solely through his eyes. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You say that now, but you haven’t spent the day with Samu and Suna.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh, come on. How bad can they be?’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wonderful, Omi, you said the thing, now it’s all over.” I say rolling my eyes and laughing, as we approach the gym. I instinctively pull my hand away from Omi’s as soon as I see the two of them turn to us. I hear Kiyoomi grunt lowly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>want</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> to be more confident. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>desperately</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> want to show Kiyoomi off. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I just </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>can’t…</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>.not in front of Samu…</span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>not yet</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span>. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Samu and Suna make eye contact with us and meet us in the front of the gym. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why hello there.” Samu teases, in a smug tone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Asshole. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Good morning, Osmau, Suna.” I say coldly. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I see a little smirk pop up on both of their faces. They obviously know something that I do not. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No need to be so rigid, Atsumu.” Suna teases. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This is not going to go well. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, Tsumu, as you know, this is Rintaro Suna, my boyfriend. Now don’t be rude and say hi.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s a pleasure to meet you, I hope I get your blessing, Miya-sama.” Suna teases, while bowing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I really don’t know what part of me ever thought this would be a good idea. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Samu, Suna, this is Sakusa, you can call him Sakusa-san. He doesn’t like to shake hands, so don’t try shit.” I snap. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sakusa Kiyoomi, you can call me whatever you’d like. It’s nice to officially meet you both.” Kiyoomi quickly follows up, with a smile and bow. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Is he...good at this? </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>No way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Nice to meet you too, Sakusa.” Samu responds. Both him and Suna bow in response. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Smug assholes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So what are we doing? Are we going to get coffee?” I ask, genuinely curious, “You have managed to avoid telling me all week.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ooooo you wish Tsumu-Tsumu!!!!” I jump as I hear a family voice yell out from behind me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I look to see the smirk on Samu’s and Suna’s faces widen before slowly turning around. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Bokuto. </em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What the hell are you doing here?” I called out immediately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Bring the Coach’s favorite comes with some great perks!!!” He smiles in retaliation, spinning something around his fingers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After hearing Bokuto’s response Kiyoomi immediately puts his hand on my chest as if to hold me back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You are NOT his favorite.” I snap back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh really? I’m not?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No. How could you be his favorite when I am on the team?” I taunt and stick my tongue out at him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, would Coach trust anyone BUT his favorite with the key to the gym?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm!!” Bokuto confirms, confidently. It is then that I noticed that he was fiddling around with a pair of keys the entire time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why do you have the ke--” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Atsumu.” Sakusa interrupts me, pointing at the bags that Samu and Suna are holding. They are volleyball bags, which I am assuming have everything needed to play a game. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t tell me….” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? Yer scared?” Samu taunts. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Scared? What is there to be scared of? We are obviously the better team. You’re on. Bokuto, open please. I need to stretch.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hot. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I see that even Samu and Suna are taken back by Kiyoomi’s comment. They exchange a quick glance and look back at Sakusa who is already waiting at the door for Boktuo to open. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Extra</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> hot. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmph.” I sneer and proudly follow Kiyoomi into the gym. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, I am leaving the key with you Omi-Omi, please make sure to lock up once you are all done!” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t remember agreeing to this, Bokuto-san.” Kiyoomi snaps back, almost immediately. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Omi, </span>
  <b>
    <em>PLEASEEEEEEEE</em>
  </b>
  <span>! I don’t want to be a fifth wheel.” Bokuto pleads with a pout and his arms crossed. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aren’t you going to ref the game?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You four can handle that, please, Omi!! You are the only one I can trust” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ugh, Fine.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“THANK YOU OMI!!!” Bokuto yells. I decide to ignore the trust comment as I am trying to get in game face mode. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I am actually getting excited….</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bo, how were you able to get Coach to give you the key, anyway?” I ask. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm, what do ya mean? I just told him that I wanted to get in a little extra practice on my own and he practically threw the key at me?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>What? I </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>beg</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> Coach to let me practice extra all of the time. I even offered to clean everything over again and he </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>never</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> lets me, but I refuse to let Boktuo know this. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hehe. Told you I’m his favorite!” Bokuto says with his signature time. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ya know, I am getting real sick and tired of these assholes being able to read my mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I snap my head around to see Kiyoomi, who has already gone and grabbed the volleyball shoes that we keep in the lockers out and is now completing his stretching ritual. I even see Samu and Suna walk over to him and have a casual conversation as they change their shoes and get ready. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmm...clever move Samu.</span>
  </em>
  <span> But, Samu has no idea how competitive Kiyoomi actually is. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>We flip a coin and it is Kiyoomi and I up to serve first. We decided that Kiyoomi is going to serve first. He walks back to the serving line and hits a clean no-touch service ace. He celebrates by clenching his fisting and grunting with a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Who would have thought just a few months ago that this little routine would turn me on?</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I push the lewd thoughts down as far as they could possibly go. Letting those thoughts take over is really </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> an option right now. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the match flies by. By the time we have finished kicking Samu and Suna’s asses I feel like a new man, so happy….</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I see Kiyoomi quickly sprint over to the showers after ending the game. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Hmph. I guess some habits never die. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I smile as I see him try to sneak through an empty gym. I feel a bump on both of my shoulders and turn to see Suna on one and Samu on the other. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I really don’t know how I never noticed how gay they are for each other. Maybe I am more oblivious than I thought. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sooo, what do you think Osamu? Did we go easy enough on them?” Suna taunts, leaning into me. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi, Suna, do me a huge favor and fuck right off, hmm?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s honestly terrifying how the two of you even insult the same way.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I like him.” Samu says, shifting his attitude with a genuine attitude. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Huh? </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“He’s helped you grow too, a couple of months ago you looked like a deer in headlights, now you were just yelling, laughing. You seem happy.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I grunt at them and push my way through, to get to the showers. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>am</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> happy, though. I am </span>
  </em>
  <b>
    <em>unbelievably</em>
  </b>
  <em>
    <span> happy. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I rush into the lockers and exhale deeply. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm...talk about deja vu, huh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I look up to see Kiyoomi half dressed, with a towel draped around his shoulders, to catch the drips from his hair. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am convinced he does this to me on purpose. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I scoff. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I talk a deep breath in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mhmm, but it's not exactly the same, ya know?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh?”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I inch my way towards him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m not scared anymore.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Atsumu.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm?” I question, waiting to make my move. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shower first.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yer killing me, Omi” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“That’s my job.” He says with a wink and a smile. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I sulk my way over to the showers and let the water fall over me. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Before I know it, there are tears falling down my face. Not tears of sadness… </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I love him so much….</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I was so scared…. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But, when we were together….when we played together I couldn’t even remember my nerves. They seemed like distant memories. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I never thought that I would be this strong.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t think anything could take me down right now…. </span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<em>
    <span>**End of Chapter 22**</span>
  </em>
</p>
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